Hi everyone. To keep my other thread "clean", I thought I'd start a simultaneous discussion regarding a couple "stingers" I've got in the last week.
When I got the bomb (and even before when I could hear 'the whistling' as it was falling), I had thoughts that there was an 'identity crisis/crises' at play in our M.
Specifically, both she and I had ceased to be "ourselves" and had become merely paycheques; parents; spouses. We had lost ourselves. We had lost sight of our 'lover' and 'individual uniqueness' that brought us together in the first place.
I was also aware that she had done nothing about post partum depression. Took no meds. Really didn't pursue the possibility. Her "bomb" email revealed that she first considered our M "beginning to end" half way through our pregnancy.
We were doing far too much at once. We had only been married a year; had both changed jobs; committed to building a much larger house requiring a move out of 'big city'; new house committed ME to renovating existing home for maximum re-sale (stripped it to studs and planks); we would be transitioning to first child and new house while she was on Mat Leave pay and moving with a 3 month old. Crushing pressure.
Didn't improve when we moved. The stress of the home builder issues/repairs plus the 'cabin fever' of being at home with D did not help her. She used 'retail therapy' to cope. Our fuel bill for her trips to town plus constant new 'kid stuff' caused financial pressure on me especially. And this didn't exactly "endear me" to her.
And the die was cast. The next two years were more of the same. Dayhome decisions. She went back to work. Within 9 months was offered a package or pay reduction (on our anniversary no less)My job wasn't going as well as was sold to me 'in the offer'. When we transitioned D to her own bed from the crib, my wife began sleeping with D (to help) and never really came back to our bed. About June of 09. We'd been in the new house a year.
I got the "feelings have changed. I've tried to change them back but I can't" in December of 09. Bomb email was end of April 09.
Let me add something that really is beginning to concern me for a couple of reasons.
In early May, she didn't come home. I found out the next morning she'd had emergency surgery to remove an ovary and fallopian tube. She didn't tell me til she came home from hospital. Said didn't want to worry me; surgery would have been underway before I could have got there. Fist sized cyst.
