Still trying to find my way

[bluestar]

TayTay, the problem is that Mystic has been wallowing in emotions for well over a year now. It's not about feeling the feelings for her. It's about getting out of the pit of despair. Every time she allows herself to give in the emotions, it sets her way, way back. It's not healthy for her or her son. Read her entire thread.

Mystic, the gratitude journal is not about being grateful for this situation. It's about recognizing that you do have good things around you even now. It's about taking the time to notice the comfort of a grande white chocolate mocha, or blooming flowers outside your door. It's about giving your mind something else to do besides obsess over your sitch. How are your other GAL activities coming?

[Piano]

Okay Mystik, I did my grateful list. Your turn! I'll be checking later today to see it's done!

[Mystik]

CW ~ You're right, he can't make our good times go away and just keep the rough times. I'm hanging in there, doing better today.

bluestar ~ I do have a tendency to wallow in misery, but with the combination of medications I'm on I'm less likely to do so. I can only be strong for so long when I need a chance to break down, get through that moment and then continue on. MY GAL activities are small, but somewhat there.

Piano ~ Later when? Just want to know how much time I have. lol

[Mystik]

Doing better today so far. Went to the bank and got the rest of my statements, still have a couple more to print though because I ran out of ink. Haven't heard back from my lawyer, hopefully some time this week I will.

Talked to a friend earlier on Instant Messenger. She invited me to go see a movie with her tonight, her treat so I guess it's off to the movies for me. We're going to see "Going the Distance", she's been wanting to see it but has no one to go with. In three weeks we're going to another movie and probably will also get dinner that night.

[Mystik]

Gratitude list:

I am grateful for my son.
I am grateful for my medications that keep me sane.
I am grateful for a job that pays the bills and keeps a roof over our heads.
I am grateful for a family that loves me and supports me.

[bluestar]

Great list, Mystic!

[CityGirl]

It is a great list. May I add something for you?

You said you are grateful for your meds that keep you sane. How did you get those meds? You got those meds because you were brave enough to seek help during a very dark time. BRAVE. Be grateful of how BRAVE you are. And if you are BRAVE you are STRONG. Strong people reach out and say "I need help, I'm lost". Weak people run. You didn't run.

Be grateful you are strong and brave. We all see it. I hope one day you see it too.

[Mystik]

Thanks bluestar!

Aw, thanks CG. I sure don't feel strong, it was only for DS and to get my family off my back that I got help.

[Mystik]

Ended up having a cry last night. Was just so angry at my life. I hate that H forced me on this road. I hate that I'm stuck in an apartment instead of my home, I hate that I'm all alone now. I just hate this whole damn situation. But now that I've cried over it I need to accept that this hell is my life and go about living it.

Texted with H this morning, kept it strictly about DS. He was going to bring back DS at regular time so I reminded him that he was going to keep DS late today to make up for missing Wednesday. He said he didn't think I would let him and I said I was expecting him to keep him. He said DS told him that I said H would be getting him Monday, I said no, open house was Monday and I told DS to make sure H saw the flyer. Then texted H asking what time is DS coming home, he said 4 and I said sure. When he drops off DS I'll tell him that I would appreciate him coming to open house alone, and ask if he has his share of the car insurance (in cash) because I can't really afford to pay it all myself this month. I am expecting him to say no, but at least I'll have asked. Although it I don't ask that will be one more thing to add to the list of what he owes me.

[Mystik]

DS is home! DS is home! Very thrilled to have my boy back. He seemed happy to see me, too. They arrived 20 minutes late to the meeting point, H often runs late.

Asked H about the open house, he said he would like to go. I asked if he was going alone and he didn't answer to so I repeated the question. He said, in an annoyed tone, "I don't see why I wouldn't be." That was it for our interactions. I completely forgot to ask about the car insurance. So now it's dark until I have to interact with him on Wednesday when he brings DS back to me.