Talking about responding? I thought I was supposed to bust trhe affair, then let her go. Still trying to let go completely, but I don't show her that I haven't. Have the kids today, but still struggling in my mind.
I don't think there is a 3rd party anymore except for W's stupid BF the gossip whore. They both went to W's hometown tonight for a bi-annual Cheese Days celebration. W says she doesn't jknow if she is conming to the kids soccer games tomorrow or not. Is playing it by ear. Generally at these types of events she gets really drunk and is worthless the next day. I'm not expecting to see her.
I'm organizing my new garage today, so while she is gone, I divided up our tools and took a tool chest back home and left it in the garage for her. She had been complaining that she didn't have any tools.
I looked around while I was there and she has re-painted the master bedroom. All her clothes that don't hang are laid in piles on the floor around the perimeter of the room.
This is all very sad. Sorry, just feeling down today.
What I meant, Dan, was your own personal/internal response not so much the response you give your W.
Your W has no interest in your response right now and she may never have an interest again. But you *will* have a life after a divorce and there is a good chance that life will include another wife or long term R one day.
Much of your internal response to being left (all of us, not just you per say) must be centralized on healing, learning and future preparations. And for some time to come the WAS is not part of any of that.
...I just don't get it...Part of me thinks I should listen and empathize and part of me says not to until she decides she wants to stop the D and save the M. I don't know, do I try to make her miss it by staying dim or do I try to be the one she can't resist by being there for her...
Which one do you think has a better chance of drawing her back...Try that first....If that doesn't work, try the other....HINT:DO NOT FEAR HER ANGER. Do not fear her. Do not let fear control you.
Women want to be understood...understand her...do this by LISTENING....Treat her like a cat....Be aware of when you should end.. be the first to leave....
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Is it as simple as... - be there for her, but make her open the doors (listen but don't begin), hoping that she sees that the "newer" you is a different person that she doesn't want to leave anymore?
OR ignore her until she wants you, hoping that she doesn't get so used to coldness & isolation that she gets a new life that doesn't include her H?
I also wonder if the DB books are more written for women getting back their men than men getting back their women.
It's never simple, but I am going to try approach #1 above.
I don't think the DB/DR books are written for women, as she states that 75% or 80% of D's are initiated by women, or am I misreading something?
Hey Dan, You seem to be doing well keep it up & have a great time at kids soccer games tomorrow! As for me I'm on approach #2 as W still seems to be in her affair state involved or just thoughts.
Dont know for sure how W feels, but seems like W is just moving foward. It's just has taken me longer than W to get to this point. Who knows what can happen with a little hope guess that's why were still here. later Hope
Hey Dan, You seem to be doing well keep it up & have a great time at kids soccer games tomorrow! As for me I'm on approach #2 as W still seems to be in her affair state involved or just thoughts.
Dont know for sure how W feels, but seems like W is just moving foward. It's just has taken me longer than W to get to this point. Who knows what can happen with a little hope guess that's why were still here. later Hope
That's cool, as long as you're not just sitting around waiting in the meantime. Find some new "friends". I think I am going to. Life is short. Make the best of it.
Had the kids this weekend and things went pretty well, until Sunday.
I picked-up the kids from school on Friday and they spent time in the afternoon playing game-cube while I made dinner. Fried walleye. It was very good. Also fried some potatoes, made some broccoli and had some fruit for the kids.
Saturday, soccer was rained-out, but the weather improved later in the day and the kids had a friend over. They all played with the neighbor kid for a lot of the day. Made ribs that everyone liked a lot. Worked on organizing the garage and getting stuff out of the way. Friends parents came and got him in the evening and stayed for a couple of drinks.
Sunday, soccer was in the afternoon. Slept in in the morning, watched a little football and grilled chicken for us before the soccer games. It was cold and D wanted to sit in the car during S's game to wait for her game to start. This was the first time that W and I have been together at an event since the separation. It was awkward and pretty hard on me. Started at the first game standing with some friends I know and W came late and sat away from me. She went to talk to D and D came out to sit with her. Later D came to ask me if she could go back to W's with her after the games because she has more stuff to do there. I said ok.
When S's game was over, his friend's dad took them fishing and I went over to watch D's game, which had already started. I didn't know anyone there because D is on a new team this year so I stood kind of behind and next to W. Lots of awkward silence. After the game was over, I joined the boys fishing. I told S that D was staying at W's and he said he would stay and watch football with me. Later, he said he wanted to stay at W's too, because he slept better there. So, both my kids abandoned me the night before my trip to Europe. I won't see them again for a week, but I do have them the night I get back.
I wept alone for a while last night, appreciating the release it gave me, but also cursing W for doing this to us and wondering why this has to happen to me. Went to the bar to see the little blondie and chatted with her a bit while watching football.
Packed for my trip this morning and am flying out of Chicago at 6pm today. I am tired because I stayed up too late, but maybe that will help me sleep on the plane and I will be able to adjust to European time more quickly.
Going to Belgium, Netherlands (Amsterdam!) and Germany. Munich for Oktoberfest. Going with some fun friends and we should have a great time. May not hear from me for a while now.
Have a blast in Europe. Lucky dawg!! Have a stein of lowenbrau for me.
Do yourself a favor and put all this crap behind u for this trip. Enjoy every minute. All those places are a blast. Stay out of red light like you were thinking. U have enough problems. lol.
