Unfortunately, the girls know the OW very well. There have worked together for quite a long time and when he travels for work we travel with him. My daughter has heard phone conversations and read texts between them in the last few months. This is not something I had control over.
Help me!!! the Vacuum that is my H is sucking me back in! AHHHH! Oh lordy how I get sucked in. Let me explain (some of you are going to have a hay-day with my story) LOL!
ok, Wed. I called my H and told him that I was planning on going to our town's big festival this weekend and that all of our friends were going to be there and I wanted to ask him if he would NOT bring the OW to the fest, because none of our friends have ever seen them together and it would be horrible. I know that some of my girlfriends (who are his friends too) would freak out and make a scene. I wanted to avoid this. He said ok, no problem.
a couple hours later he text: Is someone taking you to the fest? me (after I waited for an hour to text back):going with a group
H:Just keeping my eye on you
me:i got new jeans today - size 9! yippee
H:I need new ones 2 - I have lost so much weight pants are falling off. can you pick me up a pair?
me:I can't do those things for you anymore. You will have to go shopping alone.
(which by the way he has NEVER EVER DONE. Every piece of clothing that he has, I have bought him)
H: hell no!
(then he changes subject and it gets emotional)
H: you planning on staying at your job?
me: of course?! why?
H: I just couldn't do that anymore.
me: what do you mean?
H: your job was a big part of our problem
me: I told you that NO JOB was worth my marriage and that I would quit in a second if I thought that was the real issue. I quit and would you come back to me? I have to be financially stable for myself and the girls.
H: I just want to move so far away
me: r u able to meet me tonight and have a drink? I think we need to talk.
H: sure, but I am still 100 miles out and don't know when I will get home. I will let you know.
Anyway - we didn't end up going to get a drink because it got too late and I needed to get home to the girls. But he sent me a last text that said he had enjoyed our going back and forth and that he promised to take me for a talk and drink soon.
OKAY - now I don't want to get sucked back in to his world of confusion and so I go on verizon.com today to keep myself grounded and focused and noticed that he had been texting the OW back and forth the entire time he had been texting me. How does he do it - wouldn't it get so confusing?
Anyway, as proof that I am REALLY doing okay, I am not mad at all. I feel sorry for him that he can't find peace. a month ago I would have been crying and angry - panic attack. Now I can type my issue out to all of you, smile and think about what fun I am going to have without him this weekend at the fest!
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
This is a typical MLC reaction. For some insights in the MLC mind, it would do you a great deal of good to go and visit Upside's thread "Withdrawal and Acceptance." Cyrena and I have posted some insights into the MLC process.
And please do all of us a favor here? Please NO R talk or even bring up any R talk unless H brings it up first. Remember it is all crazymaking on H's part. You want to bring up the R talk because you want your own pain to stop. It just makes things more harder and complicated.
Just slap the duct tape on your mouth when you feel the itch or urge to bring up R talk with your H. He is NOT your best friend nor engaged in the marriage at the moment. He is your roommate and treat him as such.
Good job on asking H not to bring the OW to the festival. Nice boundary. However, I want to you to be careful not to appear too "controlling" to H.
I went to our local "Festival" on Saturday night. Had a good time. I must have had 10 different people ask me if my H was working. I just said yes. If these random people don't know yet that we are separated they don't need to know.
Also, I sat back and really LOOKED at other men at the Festival. You know...what is out there kind of thing - not that I would act on anything as I want my M to work. IT SUCKS!!! My H is so good looking - pisses me off!!! He may be broken, but the package he comes in still looks good.
I have only 4 days till I leave for a vacation in Las Vegas with my 3 best friends from High School/college! We all live in different states and are meeting in Vegas to let loose and have fun. Can't wait!
My H will be staying at the house with the girls while I am gone. He is being really great about me going - wants to make sure I took out enough money. His sister lives out there and she will be with us too. Can't wait - love his sister.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
However, I want to you to be careful not to appear too "controlling" to H.