My feelings aren't about her, not really. Because it will be someone, and has probably already been a lot of someones. And I highly doubt he can be faithful to her if he could not be faithful to the mother of his kids (me).
I just hate it that I let him make me cry. Because I am fully aware that his words and actions can only hurt me if I let them.
But I know all of this mentally, and then my emotions win the battle. I have got to figure out how to get a handle on things.
I think the most unbearable thing is that he clings to his mantra that I didn't support him and he is broke and miserable because of me. I know it is a load of bull, you guys all know it is a load of bull, and I think on some level he HAS to know it is a load of bull. But the thing I let get me is that he may actually believe I wasn't supportive and that his unhappiness is my fault. I mean I KNOW it isn't, I just have thise want/need to know that he realizes it too and is just blowing smoke...
I won't tell them. I won't. But damn it makes me so frustrated to think of them hanging out with her. However I have to get used to it because I bet they do get married some day.
As an older country song says, "I got it through my head I just can't break it to my heart." And I am pissed at myself that I haven't gotten there yet, I mean it has been over three years...............................
