(((((((BobbiJo))))))) It's going to happen one day... you know that, so at least you have time to prepare yourself.
Here's the thing. Telling the kids about what happened in the past isn't going to help you. It isn't going to help them. It isn't going to help their relationship with Dan.
I know that it's easy to put a lot of blame on Stephanie, and she deserves her share, for sure. And it would feel good to hurt her, and their relationship, or whatever it is. Dan is the one that broke your trust, she was the one that happened to be there when he chose to do that. At this point, whether it is her, or someone else... it is going to happen, and as much as it hurts to say, it isn't your problem. Which is at the same time maddening and freeing.
I don't know if this helps BBJ, but I think you need to try get rid of the feelings you have about her, and them. Get your focus back on you and the kids. Let Dan be Dan, probably self destructing, but you can't do anything about that.
When the kids ask questions, answer them, but really, at their ages, they don't need to know much, and there's no need for you to tell them. Someday, maybe, but I don't think you will have to tell them anything.
