Cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it

[soleil]

OK so I took your guys' advice and replied to her with what you said along with "I'll keep DD until you have a suitable residence set up". I know it was the right thing to do in order to stop her from taking advantage of me- wow I sound like a girl who woke up in someone's bed after a night at the club. Sometimes I wish I was a girl...LOL

LOL, indeed.

She replied with:

"I don't think so. I will pick DD up on Mon as per the plan"

That's her way of saying "@Q#$!@ %^&%** $!@$!% @@#$324 !@%!$!@#$".

Dear Gawd. She is annoying. Seems like she does this to get under your skin!

Go talk to your L and put him on notice.

[ClingingToHope]

Don't you feel better now?

[ImprovedRomeo]

Well it's not over...

Late last night she called my phone, I didn't answer. She left a non-chalant vm:

"Hey...I'm just driving home from xyz, was wondering if DD was still up so I could talk to her. Well if she is can you guys call me back if not that's fine"

what?? really? we're like buddies again? That's the scary part how she can be so vindictive and cruel behind the scenes but on the surface she's like the sweetest thing on earth.

So I sent her this email response (to her email) last night:

"It's not ok for DD to be bounced around all over the place which is what we were trying to avoid with the new schedule. The school, the schedule, the friends and now yet another house/neighborhood all in the same month? She needs stability in her life, this much change from every direction for a little kid is traumatizing. It's only fair to her- but do what you want to do..."

Her response:

"I'll pick DD up after school on Monday as planned. There is nothing wrong with my living situation.

Have your lawyer present the offer to my lawyer."

Then this morning I was dropping DD off at school (who for the first time since starting school cried when I was leaving ) guess who showed up? STBXW. Started talking to me about how she met DD's teacher yesterday and how she's learning this and that. I told her DD was crying a bit ago but she's ok now. She said 'oh ok I'll go in then, I have time'. Then I left. I mean this woman would have a hard time waking up at 9AM to save her life. So why did she stop by there at 7:15AM? Weird.

I'm trying to move my L's appt up from Wed to tomorrow to see what can be done. I just get the feelings she's going to reject the settlement offer and now that she is pissed might not be a good time to present the offer? I realize she needs money so she should be eager but I doubt she will.

She's also being careful about what she writes in emails...notice how she said 'there's nothing wrong with my living situation'- I know she's being coached.

[kat727]

But didn't she e-mail you about needing the money to move like yesterday?? Maybe you actually spoke with her. Regardless, this has to end and soon. I feel so bad for your little girl and yes you too.

kat

[Virtually_Handsome]

Romeo...
You are worrying way too much about double meanings, what she thinks, what she wants, whether she is being coached, etc. Most of it doesn't matter anyway.

And you are taking everything she says and does personally, as an attack on you. Guess what... it's almost certainly not. She is coping with things (many of her own doing), and just trying to get through the day, just like you are.

Detach. Detach. Detach.

[CityGirl]

Until she starts saying please and thank you I would treat her as you would a grocery clerk.

As you had planned some time ago present her with one final offer again. Be clear this is the last one, no negotiating and she has limited time to accept it. Your court date is coming soon and her options are narrowing. And I would not budge on the legal fees. She pays hers and yours if she chooses not to accept it. While her dreams are lovely nobody is passing out free condos (if so, please add me to the list to get one!).

If her living situation is fine why is she asking you for money to move because she doesn't have a place to live? IMO that is the question that needs to be asked.

As my attny says... keep your e-mail box open. They send gold via e-mail.

Why does she so frequently pop up when you are with your daughter? IMO it's for face time and is nothing more than a power move.

It's too bad if she's pissed and maybe her being pisses isn't all that bad. It's no fun to realize the money faucet is being turned off and IMO the only way for that to stop is to get your agreement in place ASAP!

[soleil]

IR, does she have a job? Or she is just living off what you pay her?

[ImprovedRomeo]

Kat, thanks kat. Yes she probably wanted to put a deposit down somewhere but either she's found the money since or there's a change in plans again. I don't really know and don't care all that much. I do want to tell her to keep me in the loop since DD's concerened.

Jeff, it's not that I'm not detached I'm trying to make sense of what she's planning to do. In fact, whenever she's turned 'nice' all of a sudden she's done some very damaging things in the background and dropped bombs on me when I least expected them.

CG, I'm with you on that agreement but I just really doubt she'll take it. But we'll see, you can some delay the inevitable but not prevent it. Delaying does nothing in this case so it might as well be now.

Sol, she took a very low paying job after filing for separation. She was unemployed for just over a year before she filed.

[Gardener]

IR,
Catching up with you after a respite from the boards. You are getting EXCELLENT, DEAD-ON advice, here.

When the advice goes against your grain, makes you cringe, it is the Mr. Nice Guy in you that is cringing and I would suggest that that reaction is a sure sign that the advice is dead on and you should heed it.

Part of me still believes there lives a nomal STBXW in there somewhere...

I understand this. We all have this part in us at some time and up to a certain point.

But, IR, sadly, it just isn't so.

Peace,

[OldFool]

IR:

Women have been emotionally manipulating men since Adam and Eve. Your STBXW will cry, sob, sound depressed, abuse you, curse you, annoy you, and take any other action she believes will get her what she wants. Up to now, it has largely been a successful effort, so it's not too hard to understand why she continues to do it.

Understand this, there is nothing (let me repeat that...there is nothing) you can do that will appease her. This is a mistake made by many (myself included). She will take everything she can whether you are kind or horrid to her. The only difference will be how much she gets out of you in advance before ripping you a new one in court.

Tell your L that it's time to wrap it up. The longer this goes, the worse it will be for you. Finish the D as quickly as the court will allow and at all costs. It's the only way the two of you will be able to disconnect from the situation and each other.