Hmmm Upside, on the money issue - yes it is certainly about control, but I think it can also be used (in my case, and I don't think I am alone here) as a weapon. But here again maybe it is what happened when they were kids.
My h's family were mean with everything, and money was one of the ways they were both mean, spending as little as possible, but their meanness also reflected their general spiritual poverty. In a wonderful piece of pure projection my h accused me of being obsessed with money after I had just given him around $35,000 because he was in a financial hole. I am fairly certain it went straight into OWs pocket, but there we are.
