Sanderika-Several months ago, I reached my breaking point and I pushed for the D. I just couldn't take my H sitting on the fence one more day. I think we have to reach this point to truly move on with our lives otherwise we will continue thinking that today could be the day they finally get it. Once you reach that breaking point, you don't think like that anymore. You move on with your life and live. Your spouse just becomes part of your history and you open yourself up to whatever comes your way. You are closing that chapter of your life and beginning a new one...one hopefully filled with happiness and fulfillment.
I figure that my pending D is a "no lose" situation for me. After dealing with my H's crisis for 4 years, I am finally moving forward with my life one way or the other. It may or may not stir the pot enough for my H to deal with his issues. If it does great, we'll see what happens...if it doesn't, what have I lost?
Originally Posted By: beatrice
Some of them are pleasant and loving, others are mean and hateful towards us, but the fact remains, in MLC they have no interest in the marriage, and in developing a mature relationship. At some level, I think most (tho not all) of them want us in their lives, but on their terms and when they want to contact us.
Great synopsis.
Originally Posted By: beatrice
You also wondered if money is a big part of this. That has been my experience. So many of them become both spendthrift and obsessed with money - what it represents and what it can buy, and how it can be used to control others. I have so many examples of this, but it took me a while to see that trying to get money out of me, and conceal what he has spent has explained a lot of his behaviour. They leave us and then try and cheat us financially, it is priceless.
Is it really a money issue or a control issue? I don't think my H ever tried to cheat me financially...however he certainly has taken his money and pissed it away...almost like a kid whose allowance was burning a hole in his pocket.
