MLC - standing by my man

[Mila]

Thank you kissak, CW, SA, Punkin, Eric & GAG

To quickly recap last week....Business interactions with H were extremely strained and I'm beyond stressed....reaching the point that If I don't make some changes I'm going to make myself sick.

I don't think I can continue with him in the business. I don't see any future in it first of all, since he seems very clear that he is building new life with OW and all he wants from me is to continue working with him to keep the business alive.

All he cares about is himself...he wants me to do more in the business and he doesn't even see what I already carry on my shoulders. I told him that he should open his own bank account and pay his own bills...even told him that I don't need to see some of the receipts that he gives me...like his condom purchases. All he said is "Yeah, I can see that"

I was so upset after the last meeting when he asked me to do more and brought me his personal receipts and bills to pay that I wrote him an email with a list of everything that I'm responsible for....business, personal, parenting, household....it was a long list. Here is what I wrote:

Our meeting this morning did not go very well, we were both on guard and defensive, hard to have a productive meeting like that. And when you said that you want to make it short, I completely gave up on it. It also seems to me that you think that I’m not doing enough....not sure if you are even interested, but here are some of the things that I've been and am taking care of.

Then I listed my responsibilities and closed the email with the following:

I didn’t write this to make you feel bad, just wanted you to know that I’m doing my best.


All I was hoping for is that he will see how much I have to deal with comparing to what he does....and stop asking me to do more.

Well he sent me an email back, I'm not going to put the whole thing here, it's long, but here are few quotes.

..."It’s so very sad that you felt the need to write this. It shows how little you believe in me and in my (or any) feelings for you, in my love for D and in my feelings in general. It really looks like you think that I have changed into this unfeeling monster without a heart, who only sees his needs... I did not. Not living with D breaks my heart every day!! Seeing you in pain does the same. I didn’t just forget about everything we went through! I didn’t just throw it all out of my mind!"...

..."I want to say that I am very sorry for the pain I have caused you! (you most likely don’t believe that). And I am sorry how it all came about, because that was my fault. (you most likely don’t believe that either. Actually, you know that the impression you give me is that you don’t believe anything I say...)"

Yet again he is bringing up this trust issue....that I don't trust him seems to be what really, really bothers him....comes up every time.

I came to a conclusion that being business partners and trying to DB is impossible. In order to keep business alive I have to bring up though issues...financial, work load sharing etc....no matter how "business like" I try to be, and I'm not always successful in separating business from emotions and of course H takes everything personally....

I think that I make him feel guilty and bad about himself just by existing....