My MLC journey has been very different from yours, but the end result is the same, that until and unless they face their issues, they are still in MLC. Some of them go through phases, as outlined, others just seem to wander around in the wilderness, being depressed, withdrawn, in replay, in denial, and angry all at once.
Some of them are pleasant and loving, others are mean and hateful towards us, but the fact remains, in MLC they have no interest in the marriage, and in developing a mature relationship. At some level, I think most (tho not all) of them want us in their lives, but on their terms and when they want to contact us.
MLC is abusive towards us, and we need to detach fully from it for our own sake.
Although I am pro marriage, it is not at any price, and I think that you are doing absolutely the right thing in filing. Yes, it is what apparently they want us to do, to turn us into the 'bad' guy, but that is OK, it is not our problem.
You also wondered if money is a big part of this. That has been my experience. So many of them become both spendthrift and obsessed with money - what it represents and what it can buy, and how it can be used to control others. I have so many examples of this, but it took me a while to see that trying to get money out of me, and conceal what he has spent has explained a lot of his behaviour. They leave us and then try and cheat us financially, it is priceless.
