Baby born, separated, WH moving overseas for OW

[gatsby11]

It's okay, ask away to a trusted friend! Definitely.

Second question, ouf. I guess I would say yes about finances (in a very distant way) and no about kids (ask someone else!)

Sorry to hear about BIL and his girlfriend.

Glad to hear MIL was giving WH a hard time. Not surprised he has a bad relationship with her, though.

How is bub?

[newmama]

uhmm...you could say 'I'll let you know if something bad happens with Bub. Otherwise, assume she is developing fine."

Or just don't say much "she is growing more every day. Now she can roll over."

[Mystik]

What Newmama said.

[Piano]

Ok, sounds like a plan.

Meanwhile, that gratitude list:

- healthy, beautiful baby
- comfortable roof over our heads
- good friends and family
- as much maternity leave as I want (or, at least, can afford)
- a job to return to once mat leave is over
- money in the bank...not a lot, but something
- starting to know myself better, blame myself less
- this forum
- a healthy body and healthy teeth (just came back from dentist, yeah!)
- fantastic health professionals (including my 2 awesome shrinks)

Life doesn't look too bad....

I've even been having super happy moments of late... like I know I am going to be alright....

Backslid the last day or two, missing WH, but I am learning how to FEEL my emotions, accept them, and then give myself permission to move on and not dwell and keep reliving the most horrible moments.

I am not sure how I feel about WH anymore... I am still mourning the loss of the old WH and the fact that we didn't share the experience of welcoming our baby into the world as a couple, but know I put him on a pedestal for too long and he is NOT the man I need/want right now.

I posted this somewhere else, but I know I neglected myself in my relationship and allowed myself to become undesirable (not beating myself up, just recognising what is).

Memories:

WH always walking a few paces in front of me, not beside me (okay, I am a famously slow walker, but still...)
WH never wanting to go away on romantic weekends; it was always with friends or activities HE liked.
WH and I turning up to more than most social occasions separately, not as a couple.

Admission: There is a big part of me that is not surprised I lived my pregnancy alone and have given birth to this baby alone and are caring for her alone (I mean without WH..cos I am not really alone..I have my wonderful family). For much of my M I did things alone. Now, this is a GOOD thing in many respects, but I DO remember looking at other couples and seeing them as been much closer and loving and doing things together.. I always put the fact that WH and I were so independent down to the fact that we are an "old" couple compared to the rest, but now I see that WH didn't really like being with me that much... or at least, I wasn't a priority.

What did someone say around here?

Why would you make someone your priority when you are their option?

[Piano]

Updating:

Email from WH. Has found work in the other country - a contract until may 2011. No word on how much he is earning, nor what he plans on sending my way.
Wants news of bubs and photos of our various trips (mountains/beach).

[Mystik]

Give him a short blurb about Bub and no pictures. If he wanted to see the trips he shouldn't have left.

[fullmoon]

Hi Piano, how are you?

What you said under "memories"... that you're a slow walker and he walked in front, that you used to do everything on your own... all of it sounds exactly like me& my ex. I often felt like his mum.
I put it down to my culture but perhaps it wasn't just that.

I'm now back in your country, will be removing my stuff from his parents'.
H won't even look into filing (too lazy... he is 'single' in this country anyway?), so I probably have to file it myself soon, when the 12mths come.

[Piano]

Mystik, dead true. So I have sent a very brief email back saying that unless he gets no news from me he should assume everything is alright with bubs and that she is developing fine (thanks Newmama!!), no pics, and have asked him to send me a copy of his contract so I can calculate Child Support payments.

Friends, I am REALLY bad at this sort of thing: laying down boundaries and negotiation. Thank you for helping me. I can see this is JUST the beginning...

[Mystik]

I am so bad at laying down boundaries, too. But you did good with your response to him. It's a step in the right direction.

[Babydoll]

Hi Piano, boundaries are hard to set, but you just did it! Hope he makes lots of $$$ at is new job so that he can lots your way to support you and bub!