I have looked at this issue of friends and advice.
They try to prop up(reinforce) their own fear-based conclusions or decisions by tearing down others in the guise of "helping"
The motive? To confirm to themselves that their own life makes sense. To fight the fear and self doubt that still lies within.
I do not believe they are doing this consciously or with malice it is more to allay their own sense of self doubt.
They think "You must believe as I do so I feel validated and confirmed."
If you have taken this journey and you have 'crossed over' as I like to describe it from being the victim of someone's bad behavior or choices -(this is the "he's just not that into you" stage.)
...then you have come to learn the paradox of our journey here.
And that is for me:
It is our choice to have faith in ourselves (not another person) to stand for what we believe.
The "he's just not that into you" mentality is based in placing boundaries so as to protect you from others ...protect you from being a victim. Protect you being a fool. A doormat.
You ARE those things if you believe you are and if you have to continually focus your energy on protecting yourself from that then you will always fear being a fool, a doormat, whatever or the fear of someone calling you any of those things.
GAG what did you feel when you opened that package?
Like she was suggesting you were a doormat? Foolish? Do you think she wanted you to feel that way?
Or
That is what she feels. In empathizing with you she placed herself in your shoes (that is the process of empathy right?)
And she responded from her own protection mode. She felt like a doormat and wanted to stand up for herself (you).
Why didn't she sign it? If you believe in yourself and your own experience that is what you are witness to. And you are not afraid to tell it.
Look at these boards. Those who have their sh!t out there. All of it. Not afraid to tell it. Not afraid to speak it FROM THEIR OWN EXPERIENCE.
Are you going to go through life with a crash helmut on?
At some point you gotta take the helmut off and walk around.
At the conceptual level I guess this could be described as the growth process from being focused outwardly for happiness, fulfilment and contentment. (Our spouse and others make us happy)
to self realization (knowing ones self)
then self actualization. (actually living it)
That IS what we learn here IF we do the work.
You will hear me use this quote from Christopher Reeve (Superman)
"To be truly free in life takes either tragedy or courage, to my children I certainly recommend the latter."
The truth is most of us have to experience the tragedy to grow.
It is very scary for people who are still in the outwardly focused worldview and self image.
For those people recruiting more folks to their way of thinking is comforting and reassuring, it confirms and validates them
A person who stands on their own, without fear. A self actualized person if you will, needs none of that.
It is also the difference in using tactics vs real change.
Real change brings truth and self confidence from within, not without.
I have actually learned to deal with folks with compassion now when confronted with it because I can recognize it for what it is.
Because the truth is they are the ones who are stuck.
And that's ok we all must come to our own peace, in our own time.
Wow my head hurst after that...
I need some more coffee.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
