Is it as simple as... - be there for her, but make her open the doors (listen but don't begin), hoping that she sees that the "newer" you is a different person that she doesn't want to leave anymore?
Dan
My DB Coach says do this ^. My W and I are not separated, but I try to make sure I am not just hanging around the house unless I am there to interact with the children. I try to find something to do. But when W wants to talk, joke around, etc., I do it. We had a fairly emotional conversation the other night and she finally told me the type of things that I did that hurt her, which I had pretty much figured out myself. She is also completely stressed out, to the point of almost being PTSD, over financial stresses. I don't want to go into detail about that, but combined with her childhood issues, everything I learned completely confirmed that she is classic WAW syndrome and CANNOT possibly work on R, or even herself, until she is out of crisis.
I know that my changes have caused her to re-attach to some extent. Maybe to little, too late, but knowing how much I hurt her (whether or not I think the hurt is in scale) I can't possibly continue to act towards her in the way that caused her pain anyway.
