MLC 5 years on

[Sanderika]

Hello To All.....

I last posted on this thread on 9/7. I want to thank you all for sharing your situations and thoughts...This thread has caused me to be pro-active more than any other I think.....

I spent the past 10 days thinking and acting.....

My H left me over 5 years ago for OW, the same one he is with today. Sure it's been rocky and on and off pretty steady, the fact still remains....he is still entertaining her!!!

We have traveled a good road from 5 years ago. We went from being at opposite ends of the spectrum with each other, very distant (no intimacy) and numb towards each other (he actually hated me) (I actually was in a "just existing" state)to a place today where we are friends and friendly. I never set boundaries in our separation (in regards to sex as well) and I have no regrets. I DB'd my butt off to recreate our friendship and reach a place where we actually like, enjoy and yes, love each other, all the while in hopes we would reconcile. We are friends, reconciling isn't possible.

However, the facts are undeniable. My H entered into a MLC approx. 6 years ago with an accident he had involving a propane explosion and the death of his mother 2 weeks later to cancer. During Sept. and Oct. of '04 my H faced mortality first hand. He went full blown into a MLC. He finally left me in Aug. '05 within 9 days of meeting the OW. It was then that I began to face "our" issues and stand for our marriage. I believed we were inseparable and that we had hit a bump but would overcome it.

My H wanted an immediate divorce. He then without explanation, in Jan. '06, began to question his choice. It was then that we began to see each other again and I was happy to have hope that we would be ok. He became a classic cake-eater. I became a classic enabler. Over the next 5 years we stayed in contact. The most out of touch time would only last an average of 13 days and then we would be back working on reconciling and those times would last an average of 2 1/2 months. This was a steady pattern for 5 years.

During this the OW was always lurking. OW was always fighting for our demise and pushed for the divorce. While I tried to find hope, the story is actually very ugly. I have myself to blame for putting myself in this path of pain and destruction. I have endured countless attacks and abusive treatment. My story had been told on my threads during the past 2 years. The common
link to us all is that the basic story is the same, we are just different people playing the same game.


My H filed for a divorce in Oct. '08 and immediately wanted out of that. We postponed steady for over a year. We dismissed the case in Feb. '10. This should have never happened. I should have insisted that we follow through with it.

My H had me served 2 weeks ago....He has never filed the documents with our county. I had not heard from him between 9/2 and this past thursday 9/16. He (and this is typical) called to say hello and see how I am....The call lasted 8 minutes of which the topic was about him......I ended the call.

Coincidentally....I had a lawyer appt. 2 hours later, I filed for a divorce. The money has been paid and the papers have been filed. H will be notified by the county by next tuesday.

Like you all, I am tired of the bs. I am tired of being abused.
I think for me this will never be done in the way that I too have that "wait" thought constantly nagging on me. I am a stander.

Lance says "stir the pot". I'm stirring! I am not turning back.
My H is very sure of himself, he was betting that he could keep me dangling. A common thread for us all.....Our H's don't want to be with us, they also don't want to be without us!!!! I never thought I would file! We all have a breaking point. I have reached mine. I am not playing games anymore. Divorce is on and H would have to have a divine intervention to change enough to get me back now.....He pushed me to it, he's going through with it. Whether he filed with the county or not, I was served papers. That will be the last cruel joke he gets to play on me.

Another thought I have always had....H didn't really want the marriage back. He doesn't want me...He wants his wealth in tact, I have come closer to the belief that it's all about the money and always was.....

I am sad, I worked so hard to restore our relationship. It isn't meant to be. One day at a time, I will survive this ordeal. I wish him all the best, I hope he will find happiness in his choices.

Sorry for the rambling....My thoughts are with you all....

((((Hugs))))

Sanderika