Beyond Depression..but still a losing battle?

[Lucky11too]

Wow! You called it...what's around the next corner...well...as always, as soon as things start to look positive again, we have a blow up! Yesterday, H was supposed to hang out with S and I around work, but when I texted him to see how his night was, he was not working, but instead at home sitting in his pit of depression. I called him to make sure he was ok and we talked for a bit. In good news, he said he felt like going out and getting drunk and getting in fights (like he used to do to handle the depression), but he said he knew that wasn't good, so was just going to stay home and watch mindless tv. Not good that he's in his depression hole again, but good that he realized his old actions weren't good and didn't resort to them. I was a little bummed out that he didn't come see us even so. Then today happens...I had forgotten my phone, so I went home and picked it up at lunch...big mistake! H had just texted before I picked up my phone asking how my day was going. I responded but then he asked if I could get off a little early and meet up with him for dinner before his work tonight. So a couple things. 1) H was supposed to work at the old place and then go work at the new place, but then the old place called him off. 2) Last night, my neighbors asked if S and I wanted to come over for dinner, so since we didn't have any plans, I said yes. So, I told H that dinner wouldn't work b/c I couldn't get off of work early and b/c I was going to dinner at my neighbors. H started attacking ridiculous and completely went off on me. I responed somewhat saying how I shouldn't have to wait my life around him in case he "might" want to hang out with me, etc but he just kept attacking me. The things he were saying were just ridiculous...how I was now blaming him for being unfair by saying this to me and how I didn't understand b/c he works all the time and actually has a few hours to spend with me and then just kept saying (sarcastically) have fun at your neighbors. He also (as always) uses a sort of threat as in "well don't worry about what I 'might' do next week" and "you better make plans for tomorrow then too". It was all just so stupid. It is so typical of his depression attacks that you would think I would be used to it by now and could just let it roll off, but it's hard and it still stings. I stopped fighting him about it all b/c it's impossible to argue with someone who is being so unreasonable. I did go to my neighbors tonight and had a great time. I'm sorry H is in a low point again, but it's just not fair for him to continuously take it out on me. It's times like this where I wonder why I'm even fighting for us. Am I really going to have to deal with these depression swings forever? When he gets to these points, the things are always so hurtful. So, I don't know...definitely in a down point myself now... =/