New here but learning slowly. Advice appreciated

[Albuquerque]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I can't tell you how much they mean to me. Today (my 16th anniversary) was tough. As planned, I spent the day at the beach. I had planned to go alone, but as I was about to leave, my dog gave me the cutest look. I realized it wasn't THAT much further to the dog beach, so I changed plans and took her with me. I spent all morning and afternoon there. It was lovely. Read some books including Love Languages for Teenagers (need to make sure I'm doing right by D) and thoroughly enjoyed my time. The weather was beautiful and the water was lovely.

By afternoon it was time to pick up D from school. Went through a few emails and then had dinner. We'd already planned to have a special dessert at the Melting Pot to celebrate some good test scores that D had earlier in the week. I enjoyed dessert but I forgot about the issues D has with braces and unfortunately, she wasn't able to enjoy a lot of the desserts because they were too chewy. But all in all it was good.

As good as the day was, I kept having the gnawing feeling in the back of my head. Remembering how things were even just a year ago. Wondering what next year will bring. Wondering if H even remembers its our anniversary. And although I've gotten used to the idea of the OW, I couldn't help feeling angry today that he's likely spending time with her today of all days.

In a way, I welcome these feelings. As I've said before, I think I've kept myself so busy that I haven't fully dealt with some of these feelings. When I got my massage yesterday, I was a bit disturbed to find that no matter how many times the masseuse would touch my back, I would flinch EVERY time first contact was made. It has been so long since I've had that physical contact that it seemed foreign. It made me realize two things. One, I should get more massages (darn). And two, I need to work on relaxation techniques or take up Yoga or Tai Chi or something because clearly, I'm a little on edge. I guess those realizations are a win for me. I'm one more step down the path to a better me.