Al - you are so strong, I hope your day was relaxing. I hope you took a big giant breath of sea air and thought of me and how much I LOVE THAT SMELL!! Just knowing that I was up here in Wisconsin JEALOUS all day that you were at the beach should make you feel a little better, right?
Smiles and hugs - you are going to be okay girlfriend. I know it.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I can't tell you how much they mean to me. Today (my 16th anniversary) was tough. As planned, I spent the day at the beach. I had planned to go alone, but as I was about to leave, my dog gave me the cutest look. I realized it wasn't THAT much further to the dog beach, so I changed plans and took her with me. I spent all morning and afternoon there. It was lovely. Read some books including Love Languages for Teenagers (need to make sure I'm doing right by D) and thoroughly enjoyed my time. The weather was beautiful and the water was lovely.
By afternoon it was time to pick up D from school. Went through a few emails and then had dinner. We'd already planned to have a special dessert at the Melting Pot to celebrate some good test scores that D had earlier in the week. I enjoyed dessert but I forgot about the issues D has with braces and unfortunately, she wasn't able to enjoy a lot of the desserts because they were too chewy. But all in all it was good.
As good as the day was, I kept having the gnawing feeling in the back of my head. Remembering how things were even just a year ago. Wondering what next year will bring. Wondering if H even remembers its our anniversary. And although I've gotten used to the idea of the OW, I couldn't help feeling angry today that he's likely spending time with her today of all days.
In a way, I welcome these feelings. As I've said before, I think I've kept myself so busy that I haven't fully dealt with some of these feelings. When I got my massage yesterday, I was a bit disturbed to find that no matter how many times the masseuse would touch my back, I would flinch EVERY time first contact was made. It has been so long since I've had that physical contact that it seemed foreign. It made me realize two things. One, I should get more massages (darn). And two, I need to work on relaxation techniques or take up Yoga or Tai Chi or something because clearly, I'm a little on edge. I guess those realizations are a win for me. I'm one more step down the path to a better me.
"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"
M18 Me39,H42 D16 Bomb 1/10 Moved out 3/10 OW 6/10 H wants to R,OW gone 11/10 H moves back 5/11 H wants to wear rings again 9/11
Hope you had a pleasant day. I myself am not a beach person due to the fact that I hate sand. If they would pour concrete down to the surf, I might like it better.
I understand the thing about the 'touch'. I read yesterday somewhere that as human beings we desire and require touch, the same as all animals. I come from a long line of 'this is my space, this is yours' people, so we're not exactly huggy feely. I noticed last night when my 3 year old grandson spent the night with me that I was putting a pillow in the bed between us. I've been doing that since my husband left. Avoiding touch. When he said he was cold, I covered him up instead of snuggling him. Instead of 'loving him' I 'fixed the problem'.
I realize that this may very well have been a problem in our marriage, intensified now x 10.
