I left her a note before I left about being friends, it simply read " Husband and Friend, I can ONLY be BOTH". Not sure if that was the right move but it felt right and I think she needs to know that's how life will be without us.
OK, here's one little observation, and one little clue I'll throw out for you, Dave:
1) You ARE sure if it was the right move or not, and intellectually, you knew it WASN'T;
2) Going by your FEELINGS is what got you here in the first place.
Counterintuitive. All of DBing is counterintuitive.
DD, hope all is getting better, I have checked in here and there, but I have a really tough time posting on these boards sometimes. As long as I see the threads I am following remain in good hands, Gucci, Puppy, Sandi2, many others, then I don't feel bad leaving them alone at times. You may not see some of us, but that doesn't mean we are not there. :P Shock
Hey all - still here have just been taking a break from all this stuff to have a little/lot of me time and kid time. It's been working pretty great for me, better shape everyday both physically and mentally!
Still in the same house and bed with wife - I will not move out period. So been working on getting her out, it may take a while but I think things are just going to have to go that way.
There's been a few things transpire over the last two months, but bottom line she says she still wants out and a divorce. I'm good with it, detaching strongly and moving on with my life.
A couple of questions I have for my supporters and again sorry to be dark for a while!
I am spending my money and credit pretty freely on what I want, clothes, exercise, bikes and things for the kids - all things focused on me and them really. It's will catch up with me to a degree down the road, but since there's no legal separation or filing, it's all joint debt. I gave the W a fair load of cash along with the subsequent 2 x 4's that I was pummeled with and now when unexpected expenses arise, mostly kids (broken car, books for college, didn't calc my college living expenses right etc) I simply tell her that I don't have it - you do and you need to take care of it.
I know it's whittling away her get-away money but I figure oh well that's life - get used to it. She's having a blowout about the money and her having to pay these bills when I'm spending on "whatever I want" Not sure whether to rein it in or not - winter is coming and I'm short on winter clothes! So advice here would be something I'm looking forward too!
She's currently on the co-dependency band wagon and reading "codependent no more" which looks to be a great way to detach and move on from the "abusive person" that has done you such harm. I've skimmed through it looks they are the ones doing the controlling and manipulative actions to their spouse. I have owned my part of the problems 100%, over the last 60 days I've dialed it down to 50% - it's not all my fault, which she is now somewhat admitting.
Were both in detachment mode, hello, goodbye, no phone etc while living in the same house - we spend as much time apart as possible. It seems the book is helping her get me out of her system - not the goal, but I think it's sealing the deal for her -anyone have experience with the codependent spouse?
I'm going to interview lawyers next week, there's some monies invested in our home that are not com prop that I need to protect and also she's looking to take a swing shift job that will leave our kids unattended from 2pm to 9pm M-F, so custody wise I think that may play to my favor. I'm going to pay dearly for spousal support if it goes that far, but having the kids the majority of the time is so much better for me, they are the only family I can talk to lke a normal person!
Anyway let's open the lumberyard, grab your stick and let's get on with it!
DD
Me 49 H 46 M 23yrs T 25 yrs Bomb Drop 4/2010 S22/D19/D15/S13
Same roof, different beds
"Honestly I can say this trip into my own private hell is a journey that I know now I had to take."
Forgot to mention that I've joined an online dating site too as part of the detachment process- quietly. It's not that I don't have friends, but I do like the company of women and all the great things that come with them! Nothing to report on that front yet, but I'm all eyes and ears!
DD
Me 49 H 46 M 23yrs T 25 yrs Bomb Drop 4/2010 S22/D19/D15/S13
Same roof, different beds
"Honestly I can say this trip into my own private hell is a journey that I know now I had to take."
