Very low right now. This is the weekend before my anniversary and I had such dreams for us to take a trip - all the things you do for your 25th. Instead I am home alone tonight. Am taking the kids to Nashville tomorrow for a little get away. For some crazy reason I think that I'll feel better after Tuesday has come and gone. Right now I am trying to just let myself feel the pain - because I have a reason to feel this hurt.

I catch myself time and time again trying to rationalize all of this. I am constantly questioning myself "what if he is right? what if he has never loved me? what if he HAS been MISERABLE for 25 years? what does that mean about me? Am I unlovable? Am I unworthy? Have I been incredibly selfish?" He is NOT unhappy right now being away from me. He thinks he has finally discovered what has been wrong with him all of this time - ME. There are times when I don't think my heart can take another day of this hurt.

Fun Friday night, huh?

M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years
Ds-24,22/S-18
D - 3/11
A Day at a Time