She reiterated that she really didn't have issues with me, but felt like she needed to be on her own. She gave me some more WAW-speak BS and I just listened without responding. I did ask how soon she was planning on signing the papers and she said she was planning on waiting. I let her know that unless that was because she was ready to admit she f-ed up and was ready to get her head out of her a$$, then she needed to just go ahead and sign them and get it over with.
We talked for about 25 minutes, most of it good, and she is signing the papers in the next week.
You were doing so well until then. That just showed her that she still controlled you.
DISAGREE. I think L4S called a spade a spade here, and while the wording wasn't as elegant as maybe I'd have preferred, it was nevertheless a very important truth dart delivered.
When a wayward spouse is in "hell-bent" mode, I think it's wise to err on the side of saying MORE -- and more BLUNTLY -- not less.
I guess you could take it that way, but I am beyond DBing this relationship. I was simply letting her know that there really wasn't a reason for her to wait. I didn't mention it before, but I followed up that statement by saying that I didn't have any expectation of that being why she wanted to wait and that I just wanted to be clear that was the only valid reason for a delay. Fact is, I don't care anymore. I just want this to be over so I can move on with my life.
M - 43 WAXW - 42 Married - 24 years Together - 25 years S - 23 - passed away 10/17/09 S - 22 Bomb - PA - 6/23/10 - WAW moved in with OM same night D-day - 9/17/10
Well folks, we are just about through. I probably need to move to the Surviving the Big D forum.
She texted me today about something and I asked her when I should expect her to sign the finals papers, which I sent her by email on Tuesday. She texted back that she had signed them yesterday and mailed them to my attorney. All that is left is me signing them, taking them to the courthouse, and appearing on the date set by the court. She doesn't even have to come since she has agreed to everything by signing the papers.
I have to admit, when I got the text from her telling me she had signed, a little bit of me died. I have done a good job of GAL and have maintained the boundaries I set a few weeks ago, but I guess, deep down, I still held out hope that she would change her mind. Now, that hope is gone and reality has firmly set in.
I will be fine. My small group has been a tremendous help, as have you, Puppy. This wasn't the sprint I was looking for, but sometimes in life we don't get what we want. It is time for me to become the man I have always wished I could be and to do the things that I didn't because they didn't fit with her schedule and preferences. I pick up my Harley tomorrow morning and I am planning my first destination golf excursion for Spring Break 2011. I think I am going to Hawaii to play on some of the ocean-view courses there. She dislikes flying, hates being near the ocean, and prefers to either staycation or stay in the Midwest, so these are things I would have never done if we had stayed together.
I refuse to allow this situation to dictate how I will approach the rest of my life. Thanks to all of you for helping me on the path to living my life for myself, correcting me when I was clearly pursuing my WAW, and encouraging me when I was down. I owe all of you a debt of gratitude.
M - 43 WAXW - 42 Married - 24 years Together - 25 years S - 23 - passed away 10/17/09 S - 22 Bomb - PA - 6/23/10 - WAW moved in with OM same night D-day - 9/17/10
You sound very strong, L4S, but I too am really sorry this didn't turn out the way you wanted it to. I only have a moment, as I have to head to the ballfields for tryouts (I coach my son's team), but I wanted to tell you that you never know what the future may hold.
True story: Yesterday, I had lunch with a woman who used to work for me, who wanted to take me to lunch to thank me for some business I had sent her way. We had a fun time catching up, swapping some lies, and generally gossiping about all the old gang we used to work with, lol.
She kept talking about her husband, and her family, and how happy they all were. "I thought you got divorced years ago?" I asked her. "We did, but after a couple of years, we got back together, and we've never been happier." That was more than five years ago.
I think the statistic is 20% of people who divorce remarry each other.
I didn't end up with a Harley. I ended up buying a 2007 Honda Shadow VLX that is a pale version of Carolina Blue. Small pipes on it make it sound like a bigger, more powerful bike. Meets my needs and keeps me in the make of bike I grew up with. Now I just need to start planning my Spring Break 2011 trip.
M - 43 WAXW - 42 Married - 24 years Together - 25 years S - 23 - passed away 10/17/09 S - 22 Bomb - PA - 6/23/10 - WAW moved in with OM same night D-day - 9/17/10
D was filed today, court date on Sept. 17. It will end up being just under three months from the bomb dropping to the end. She doesn't even have to appear since she has already agreed to everything and signed off.
I'm ready to begin the healing process.
M - 43 WAXW - 42 Married - 24 years Together - 25 years S - 23 - passed away 10/17/09 S - 22 Bomb - PA - 6/23/10 - WAW moved in with OM same night D-day - 9/17/10
Court date was this morning and everything was done in about 6 minutes. She had signed a waiver of appearance, so it was just me and my lawyer. Amazing how a 25 year relationship can be dissolved in less than 10 minutes.
We have basically been dark with the exception of exchanging the dogs once a week and occasional issues regarding our son. She contacted me multiple times this week about issues that really didn't warrant a call. I'll admit I got a little bit hopeful each time she called, but I know better.
I have talked with some women via email and text, but have intentionally waited to begin dating. I feel like I kept up my end of the deal by doing so. Now I am ready to move on to the new and improved chapters in my life.
From bomb day to D-day ended up being 86 days. Reading my original posts, it is amazing I was willing and able to push this along like I have. There is now way I could, or would, go through what john28 is going through. What a mess!
If you read this john28, get your head out of your a$$ and start listening to the advice you are being given. Detaching isn't something you do and undo every day. It is a commitment you must stick to even when it seems hard. Kind of like marriage is supposed to be.
M - 43 WAXW - 42 Married - 24 years Together - 25 years S - 23 - passed away 10/17/09 S - 22 Bomb - PA - 6/23/10 - WAW moved in with OM same night D-day - 9/17/10
If you read this john28, get your head out of your a$$ and start listening to the advice you are being given. Detaching isn't something you do and undo every day. It is a commitment you must stick to even when it seems hard. Kind of like marriage is supposed to be.
I would add that detaching is healthy to do in all aspects of life.
