Relocated the family and he dropped the bomb

[MM78]

I need some quick advice. We are supposed to talk tonight so I want to have my thoughts together before then.

The last few days he has said over and over that I don't need to leave and move back, he can move out for a while. I think he finally realizes that the problem here is with HIM. He has said he blames me for his brother's death, even if that is not right or justified. He is making a full mess of his whole life and not dealing with the issue at hand.

I also know he was lonely during the 2.5 weeks that we were gone. He made comments about why he rearranged things to not feel so alone, and also asked that I not take the dog up with me if I go back home this weekend. I had told him I'd be taking her when I go rent a place and leave her up there with friends so she is not shuttled back and forth up the coast any more.

So tonight we are talking about if I am heading back to my hometown next week to go rent a place, and then I'll be moved out of here within 4-6 weeks, or if I'm staying in the new state.

If I stay, he could move out to a new apartment (they only do 1 year leases here), an extended stay hotel, or remain in the house. If he moves out though, which is what he want to gain clarity, how will I trust him? How will I know if he decides to have OW here for a weekend if he doesn't live here. What stipulations do I put on him for me to remain down here while he looks within himself?

So far I have thought of this:
1. He must call her on speaker phone and completely end contact. Tell her he is getting a new phone number and that his wife has access to all his email accounts. He must block her on FB.
2. He must start IC within 2 weeks.
3. We must start MC within one month (I think it would be good for him to go to IC first for a couple of sessions).

One last point, he stopped contact with her as of Wed. morning and from what I can see on the phone bill he actually hasn't had contact - I don't have his email passwords right now though. So for once he actually took the initiative without me asking him and he emailed her and said not to contact him for "a few days". That is a slight difference from before.

I'm a little nervous about actually moving back. To go up for a few weeks is one thing, but I worry about his safety once the moving truck would be taking me and the kids and the dog away for good. His brother committed suicide and I know that it can run in families. He has said that the girls wouldn't notice if he was living here or not, he's never seen them more than a few hours a week so it doesn't matter. So to me if he thinks we moved away and are moving on with our lives and they are 'fine', he has nothing left to stay here for.