My husband is addicted to an emotional affair

[nicole8]

I am trying to detatch and just not be involved in his drama as much as possible. I do really hope he will see a doctor....soon. I don't think he will however because he Seemed to be so focused on divorce....

My other fear/concern is that he will become even more upset and vindictive about the pending divorce because I stopped it from happening as quickly as he wanted to prove to the ow he was serious. Oh well! I guess I can't really worry about that and should just live my life. I know I should believe nothing he says and only 50% of what he does. I think I got that right... Pretty hard to do though. I'm working on it.

[nicole8]

Well GALing can be fun. I really enjoyed the pilates class tonight at the gym. My friend and I are going to try and make it a weekly thing.

On the H front, I can tell that my H was here at the house today. Not quite sure why. In the past he seemed to do that. Just stop by to check on the house and I guess make sure it is still standing. When I am not here of course. I can't really figure it out, so I should stop trying to.

I'm trying and doing pretty well at just looking to the future without him in it. He is just still really mad at me I fear. But that is actually not my problem. He has created his own reality and now he must live in it. I have no idea if the OW is still in the picture. But at this point his behavior seems to be pretty typical from times past....except now he is pushing the D pretty hard.

I'm talking with a DB coach tomorrow. I'm excited.

[ragman]

I agree with your therapist that "depression" and/or "addiction" are 2 possible explanations for the erratic behavior. I'm not a therapist, but I am an ER nurse. It sounds like bi-polar is a possibility as well.

[nicole8]

Thankyou for stopping by...the h's moms a nurse also and she has said in the past that he's always shown some bipolar tendencies....I do believe he is just not in a very good place right now in his life with himself. I don't think I am a perfect wife...but I'm certainly not a miserable person that is to blame for all of his problems. Actually he doesn't really blame me for his problems, but he doesn't think I'm helping is more like it. I'm to good for him is how he puts it. But then when he is trying to do something and not getting it done, it is my fault- somehow. Not quite sure how but it is.

I do think the relationship with ow is very toxic and an addiction. We put our phones together on the same plan just before he left...AGAIN. I looked over his bills for jan- July. His bills averaged about 90 pages--- a MONTH. Yes 90 pages a month. Are you kidding? I would say 95% of it was with the ow. Now I know why he didn't pass the class he was taking online. His fingers were to busy typing away on his phone. The ow went back to school in July so the amount of contact seemed to go down some. She goes back to school again here at the end of sept again. Hope he can cope with less contact.

[awest1217]

So OW goes to school and H comes home...maybe a repeat performance about to start if OW is starting school again. Be ready and make sure you know if you want H to move back in without getting anything help.

[nicole8]

It does seem interesting that she starts school again and he might come home. I spoke with a db coach this morning. Very helpful and just what I needed. He said I need to stop worrying about making h mad. He's going to get mad if he wants to and that I just shouldn't engage him in this. He assured me that I need to live my life the way I want to and not worry about what the h does or says. I know this but it is hard. So hard when the h does whatever he can to try and provoke me into a fight. So I am going to stay on my path to just being Nicole. I did talk with the db coach about if he comes back. He said that I need to be clear with h that he can
home but he needs to want to win me back. To do that he will have to do a few things to begin earning back my trust. These aren't demands or ultimatums. They are things that I need in order to feel that this roller coaster is going to stop. He doesn't have to do them. BUT if he chooses not to then he cannot come home. Simple as that. This is a boundary I am going to have to set.

I'm ready for the day and all it has to offer

[nicole8]

Yep I'm annoyed today and just really unsure what to expect. I guess my h and I are going to be divorced and will still own our house together though. I didn't know this was possible. He told me months ago it was. Then this last week he said it was possible.... But then he wasn't sure. I asked if he talked with his lawyer snd he couldn't really give me an answer. I think he truly has no clue what he has said or conversations he has with people. I haven't seen anything further from him in regards to any sort of paperwork to move our d forward. Sort of weird, I would have thought there would be more by mow.

I also would have thought the h would be spending time at the house maybe working on some projects to clean stuff up and make it look better. No one has come to look yet but what if someone does?? Really? I thought he wanted to be done and divorced as soon as possible.

[nicole8]

Ohh and he has told me on more than one occasion that it is "unfair" he has to live with his mom. He thinks that it is unfair because most husbands that leave get to rent an apartment. Well he can't afford that and pay for half of the house. How is that my problem again???? So distorted his thinking.

[awest1217]

Yes you can still be divorced and still both own the home. You just are both responsible until the house sells. Otherwise stop talking to H unless it has to do with the house or an emergency. He is playing you emotions and you have to just not talk to him for a while.

[nicole8]

I haven't talked with him in person or on the phone for a week now. I really have no desire too. I did send him a text the other night and he didn't respond for a couple of hours. He said he did that because I do it to him. Seriously? I have not responded to him in the past because he was being rude or accusing. He is being so childish. I just cannot be involved in it for my own sanity.