You definitely have come a long way in a short time! I think that it's truly key that you are GAL and therefore won't be on the boards so much. Although, there is certainly nothing wrong with keeping us abreast of your personal development! :-)
Hope - Expecations - cycles and stages - I guess it's all a journey. It's always good to remember that even when there are signs from the WAS that "things are improving" or "things are regressing" that you can't focus on that. You focus on yourself. Whatever signs you are given from WS are not true indicators of anything to come until that one day when they are "back" or perhaps gone for good and you know it.
I'm going through that right now: things having been positive lately yet H now pulling back slightly. I'm glad I had not figured the fight was over because I knew it was not. However, the rollercoaster is not a fun place to be!
I didn't say All Hope is False (in relation to everything) which is what your quote of me suggests. Only in pertaining to the WAS's position- until they are standing in front of you, etc.
Time and Gritter- what some people call "hope" is misplaced and foolish optimism, and they refuse to see their situation for what it is.
My advice based on my experience is now "Drop the misplaced and foolish optimism and see your situation for what it is"
"Hope is the thing with feathers...." -Emily Dickinson
what some people call "hope" is misplaced and foolish optimism, and they refuse to see their situation for what it is.
replace the word "hope" with "faith."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Your use of "charade" leads me to feel there may be little anger lurking.
That's "stage 1" talking.
I know that you are close to your D-day.
CALM is paramount at this stage.
The common phrase I hear alot of right now is 'BE STILL' and feel your way through this.
The A is new to you. I know that feeling.
I am two months ahead of you.
Re-read what I wrote.
I'll rephrase.
Your boundary is "open marriage"
WAW is in an A
So, drop the HOPE, and it'll speed your return to focus on you.
YOU are the POINT of this entire process.
You are in the river of life. The current will take you along.
You can guide yourself around obstacles and steer close to the banks for scenery.
However, as Steady and I discovered:
1-You have to keep youe eyes OUTSIDE the boat (M) 2-fighting the current is "Fruitless Paddling'
You are learning quickly (I've seen a few of your posts to others) Keep in mind that, like me, quick learning also means you are experiencing the growth (which is painful) in rapid succession with no time to rest.
BE STILL, my friend.
Take some time to close your eyes to think and FEEL.
Thanks CD. Yeah. I'm a quick learner, but a procrastinator who has dragged out the application of the knowledge learned. Like a snail with an anchor attached. I can't do this anymore. Your post really made something click.
I will always hope for a miracle, but I have more faith knowing that I will be better off after this is all over. Time to pray for endurance and guidance to get through it. No more focusing on the hope of a miracle.
I feel like I'm at the point where I have no vested interest in however things go in my sitch. Unattached to the outcome, knowing no matter which way it goes there's a reason for this all and I'll see it when I have more hindsight.
In regards to the hope discussion - some people play detachment like this: I am fine no matter how it goes but I hope it goes my way. lol It's still attachment. When they say they can embrace whatever comes without an attachment to any particular outcome they can never lose. There is no disappointment at all, just a full YES to life.
expectation - you expect something to happen
hope - you would like a specific thing to happen with a belief you know it would be 'good' for you. Maybe the thing you are hoping for isn't good for you at all and you can never see that looking into the future. Guess that's where this quote - 'I don't always get what I want, but I always get what I need'.
detached - no investment toward any outcome. Whatever comes is fine and you'll deal with it accordingly. No fighting what is, on the contrary, embracing what is (reality) and enjoying yourself the whole way. (In Lester Levenson's words - hootless)
I have found what's good is bad and what's bad is good. Opposite sides of the same coin and the only thing constant is change, so that coin is gonna flip around.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
That's sort of what I was trying to say I just didn't get it out so clearly.
Originally Posted By: Steady
hope - you would like a specific thing to happen with a belief you know it would be 'good' for you. Maybe the thing you are hoping for isn't good for you at all and you can never see that looking into the future. detached - no investment toward any outcome. Whatever comes is fine and you'll deal with it accordingly. No fighting what is, on the contrary, embracing what is (reality) and enjoying yourself the whole way.
I especially like how you applied the "We'll see" view to both definitions. That is a healthy perspective. As you said, "I'll see it when I have more hindsight"
