Comment on the behavior she is doing you like, reinforce the goodness. Followup with actions on your part.
Actions - yes.
As I said after commenting the last time, she immediately continued to do everything I said I liked. It was like she wanted to prove me wrong from the old days when I "accused" her of being disrespectful, etc.
I also see that as validation. She keeps doing what I complimented her for, so she must feel good about it. And she is getting a reaction from me.
I showed her my ultimate respect by agreeing to let her go. I validated her feelings (or lack thereof) and said that I completely understand her.
She was perplexed how I carried on from that point. Old Pookie would have crawled into fetal position and started crying for sympathy as a victim in hopes that the quilt would be attractive to her. “I’m leaving you, look at me, I’m really leaving now! Do you see? Are you sure you want me to leave? I’m so heartbroken. I don’t know how to live without you, but see, see I am finally leaving….”
Thanks to you and others here I moved on. Minding my own business, taking a lead to fix the house in which I may not even live in. I told her that I have my integrity, respect and honor firmly in place and I will do what I think is right. No other motives or expectations.
My W has never been manipulative or mean. I do not believe that her behavior is due to the expensive gift I am giving her right now – the new state of the art heating system. I believe that the most expensive gift I just gave her is her freedom. What that means to her the time will tell. There can be love in it for both of us.
I’d like to think I am on the right path. If she follows she will give me back the most expensive gift she can – a new chapter in our lives.
