If a relationship is unhealthy, it'll have problems regardless of social networking etc. Heck, I'm sure that people said the same thing about the evils of coed colleges, women joining the workforce, etc.
Same with blaming computer games; I was the one who chose to play them. Had they not existed, I'd have found some other way to run away from my problems.
If it wasn't a social network it would have been something else...Work, the gym, the bookstore etc...
By blaming something or someone else instead of laying the blame where it belongs, you are minimizing the part your spouse played.
I may not have been a perfect wife, I accept that, however my H had other avenues he could have explored instead of decimating our marriage...
The affair is HIS to own...Not the OW, not me, not FB, not MySpace, not his childhood, not the fact that Mommy didn't hug him when he was 5 after he fell off his bike and skinned his knee etc...
The cheating is all him.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
I read the article. The article points out that social networkng is a construct that makes fantasy easier and does it in a way that excercises pathways in the brain in a different way than interpersonnal relationships. While I agree that the weaknesses in our relationships are at the root of our problems, some of those weaknesses are just inherant to "long term relationships" as mentioned in the article.
Social networking is an arena that is custom-taylored to foster fantasy in the minds of users. Should someone who is already vulnerable due to a sense of general unhappiness or confusion about their lives, stumble into this and start making "friends" of the opposit sex, I'll bet a years salary that the fog will roll in on that person.
That is a little more dangerous than sitting around playing madden 10 or call of duty.
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
Should someone who is already vulnerable due to a sense of general unhappiness or confusion about their lives...
Because God forbid our spouses say something to us and when I say that I mean a real "adult" conversation, not beating around the bush expecting you to know what they are thinking because they are to childish to say the actual words... IMHO
(((Hugs)))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Ahhhh, the old one-two-punch. Familiar to many, hated by all.
This is a road map. "I am not happy. I'll leave some bread crumbs. Huh. That didn't work. Guess I'll just spend more time on FB; it makes me happy. Oh wow! Look at all these fellows/chicks who are soooo nice to me. THAT feels way better than dealing with old so-n-so. I have to talk to him all the time, and just the sight of him is really starting to harsh my mellow."
Weeks/months go by.
"What? My increasing time online makes him angry? Tough crap! Did he ever care about what was bugging me? He should have read those bread crumbs. No, whole loaves really! Any idiot could have seen them. I'll bet my new friends would have cared more. Maybe I'll ask them. Wow! My dear friend "Dick" is having a bad M too, we are so alike. He would totally have seen this coming. He said so himself. He is so nice and caring. He makes me laugh and feel good all the time. I haven't felt so alive in years. "
Then, one little thing happens and WHAM! The second fist lands. ILYBNILWY. AND it's your fault.
Welcome to our world. IF your lucky enough to find the site.
This is why it's more insideous than a video game. The Super Mario Bros are not interested in bagging your WAS. But there are a host of scumbags out there with a cursary past affiliation with your WA, for whom the sanctity of marriage is just a speed bump.
Of course, that's just my $.02. And I'm an idiot. Ask my W.
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
I dont think FB is to blame but it plays a part. Just makes connecting with the past too easy.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
This is a road map. "I am not happy. I'll leave some bread crumbs. Huh. That didn't work. Guess I'll just spend more time on FB; it makes me happy. Oh wow! Look at all these fellows/chicks who are soooo nice to me. THAT feels way better than dealing with old so-n-so. I have to talk to him all the time, and just the sight of him is really starting to harsh my mellow."
Weeks/months go by.
"What? My increasing time online makes him angry? Tough crap! Did he ever care about what was bugging me? He should have read those bread crumbs. No, whole loaves really! Any idiot could have seen them. I'll bet my new friends would have cared more. Maybe I'll ask them. Wow! My dear friend "Dick" is having a bad M too, we are so alike. He would totally have seen this coming. He said so himself. He is so nice and caring. He makes me laugh and feel good all the time. I haven't felt so alive in years. "
Exactly and thank you for the laugh today!
(((Hugs)))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
