The one thing I've noticed about my H and his EA right now is that he is not capable of being responsible with money. He hasn't emptied our accounts or anything, but he is charging a lot of crap on his CCs...what seems to be dinners taking the OW out. Nice.
Also, I've noticed that he's constructed the lies to protect himself. I think sandi has a point - the EA (or PA) was started out of resentment toward you (and I), and the lies keep that story safe. Your W is not ready to see her own responsibility toward the M that brought her to the wrong decision of starting the A. And once the lies start going, it's W's safe place.
The empathy comes in where you recognize your role in the breakdown of communication and the M. That's the olive branch you can extend when she ends her A. Empathy does not mean you think it's ok that she's having the A.
H32 Me32 together:10 M:5 No kids ILYBINILWY 7/28/10 OW found 8/15 A exposed 8/31 I Move 9/3 Dark 10/1
