Change is in the air........

[Truegritter]

do you remember what it was that allowed you to see the impact of your "perpetually adolescent" friends on your R with W?

Guys tend to try to help eachother by fixing. No surprise there. I found that for all their advice most of them really had no perspective. Most of them looked in and said "Man I wouldn't put up with that crap" or "she is not going to make you happy." "I don't have faith you will ever be happy with that." Defeatist stuff like that.

Being my friends I put faith in their opinions and advice. I realized none of them could ever know really. And I saw once the trauma of my own situation was under control, that their own lives and choices would not be what I aspire to have. I could see dysfunction everywhere where I had not before.

Not judging. Just clarity and faith in myself and my ability to make the right choices for me and the courage to follow those choices through.

It was the waking up of myself that brought this awareness.

Do you spend less time with these friends? Are you able to have conversations with them about things that you really care about?

I do spend less time doing things with them that do not serve me. Happy hours. Parties etc. where I know the environment and purpose does not fulfill me. I still talk when my friends want to talk about anything. When they bring it up. They don't talk about my sitch really and I am happy to tell them what is going on but those conversations once I stated my position became very short ones because they just don't have the capacity to understand.

So I still spend time with them but it is on my terms and that is sort of the unspoken thing. I get invited to things and they are not offended if I don't come. I guess now that I think about it I have drawn boundaries. My life, and my W and what what is going on- is mine. It is not a democracy or open for debate and they know that and respect it now. Before it was more an open season. Advice etc given all in the name of concern and caring-but I was not aware enough of my SELF to process all that information.

It only added to my own self-doubt.

At some point you have to understand yourself. Step out of the pack. That is hard for men I think. Their relationships are escapes really because you are always on the cursery level. We don't go deep usually. The things we do are by design to escape really. Watch football together, grab a beer etc. We are not very well equipped to help eachother in the life department until we grow up.

Unfortunately, as I have said before, it often takes tragedy to start the growing process.

And that scare the sh!t out of men. Becuase all we want to do is fix it.

GAG I wouldn't look too much at him and try to analyze what's going on.

Don't worry about others influence on him. He has to figure it out on his own. And if he doesn't, well, you've already been there and you don't want to go back.

So if the new man ever shows up you will know it for sure GAG. It won't be because he divorced one of his friends.

Hope that helps...