Is there a way back?

[gutwrenching]

There is a way back. It may or may not happen, but this is a place to help people find a way back or find a better way forward. It will not be quick, and it will not be easy.

Your W is giving you classic script lines. Its almost as if a class exists out that teaches spouses what to say when they are having a EA or PA. You are in no means alone and many of us have dealt with hearing that garbage. Its not easy and it is not necessarily true, but you will probably keep hearing it for a while.

If you haven't yet, read DB or DR. That is a good step 1. Step 2 is hopefully ending EA, but at a minimum, establishing a clear boundary with consequences that carrying on an EA in your house is not acceptable. Take a look at the infidelity forums, some good stuff there on how to end the EA.

Your W not wanting to end the M, for whatever reason, buys you time (this is going to take a long time) and tells you that there is still at least part of her that wants the M to work and probably part of her that knows the EA is wrong.

Take your time, formulate a plan on how to stop this EA, post it here or over at infedility and let some of the experts help you with your plan.

That's my recommendation