"The M you have reached has been disconnected...."

[faithisbelieving]

And I have only the same thing to say about mulesqb. It blows me away at how some women will throw away good..in fact GREAT men. I had the opportunity to have lunch with mulesqb in Manhattan. Overall great guy with an inner strength that is amazing. Strong dad. Some woman will be lucky to catch him.l

It's been almost 3 weeks since posting. Amazing since I used to post daily and, in fact, multiple posts.

One interesting thing to say is, I made a 'wrong comment' in front of my son a few weeks ago. I said, "well, maybe daddy will get married again someday." My son burst into tears. He opened up in the car in front of his little sister, without prodding, about mommy's boyfriends and how she was spending less time with them. Jimmy and Frank. And, my son was blurting out TOO many details for a ten year old boy to know:
"Mom had a fight on the phone because he wasn't calling."
She also had a guy sleepover. What my son was basically saying to me was "dad, if you get married, you won't have time for me either and I'm feeling abandoned". Don't worry S10, I'm not going anywhere... you are number 1 in my books right now.

I like my good friend's phrase: "the revolving door". It's sad, for my kids. I would have hoped that XW would have been able to spare the kids a bit longer, but, of course, no. It was...and IS...all about her.

I am hearing stories now about XW. "People are calling her the f-hole of Anywhere, NY." "She was doing jello shots off of John's stomach" (the husband of my son's den mother). "She was sucking face with some guy for over an hour in the corner of a party."

There you go. Great rep for the mother of my children. I wrote to my attorney, knowing that there is little that you can do about this stuff. She sent me a great email:

As it turns out, the most important personal advice 'Jane' (her daughter) and I have given you was to steer clear of [another job I was looking at]. Given your medical expertise and surgical talent, we both knew that there were far more rewarding things in store for you.

How right we were!

As to your divorce, the judge has delayed signing same due to several omissions of required forms not submitted by X atty (etc, yada yada)

Here comes my final lawyerly advice to you (once again) regarding your onging concerns about the children:

At this juncture, although technically still married, both you and XW remain free to date others -- even to the point of having overnight "guests" when the children are present. In the past, I have actually gone to trial over just such post-divorce issue. Here is the court's general and realistic position when there are children involved (even regarding live-in lovers):

"So long as the bedroom door remains closed, the custodial parent remains free to have overnight guests or live-in paramours!"

Despite your voiced misgivings, your children will learn to love you even more without their mother lurking in the background. Your relationship will be new and different, but far better emotionally for them -- now removed from a conflicted household. When with you, they will relax, and they will soon learn that things will now be done "daddy's way."

XW still, to a degree, will punish me with using the kids. She still throws out barbs at me. She, for some reason, wears a colorful tunic I bought her at times when we have to be together (Meet the Teacher for one e.g.). The tunic was purchased under incredibly romantic circumstances while trying to save the marriage. I think she does it to 'punish' me.

She recently threatened me with going back to court over a bid that was made on the house. This required a flurry of texts to be faxed to my atty's office to fend off a motion for total BS.

And finally, last night was my daughter's Meet The Teacher night XW showed up 20 minutes late. I was sitting at D7's desk and I am surprised she didn't try and make a scene and make me get up. I am thinking better now. I purchased a Hannah Montana musical card, her favorite candy and a small nothing little toy and stuffed it in her desk where she will find it in the morning. After the intro, and waiting until XW left, I went up to speak to the teacher.

I discussed D7's medical issues from last year and truly gave her a fair mature picture of what was going on without denigrating XW. I told her I was a hand's on father, what days my parenting times were and the teacher responded that she would make a second packet for me and put it in D7's backpack on Wednesdays. Finally, I told her that I had a special relationship with D7 and that it was very important that she have 2 parents involved.

The teacher then seemed to get choked up:

D7's teacher: I know. On the first day of school, your daughter was having a rough time and was crying. I asked her what was wrong and D7 said to me, "I miss my daddy".

A lump came up in my throat. I must be doing something right.

Strength and honor.

FIB