Baby born, separated, WH moving overseas for OW

[Piano]

Ok, sounds like a plan.

Meanwhile, that gratitude list:

- healthy, beautiful baby
- comfortable roof over our heads
- good friends and family
- as much maternity leave as I want (or, at least, can afford)
- a job to return to once mat leave is over
- money in the bank...not a lot, but something
- starting to know myself better, blame myself less
- this forum
- a healthy body and healthy teeth (just came back from dentist, yeah!)
- fantastic health professionals (including my 2 awesome shrinks)

Life doesn't look too bad....

I've even been having super happy moments of late... like I know I am going to be alright....

Backslid the last day or two, missing WH, but I am learning how to FEEL my emotions, accept them, and then give myself permission to move on and not dwell and keep reliving the most horrible moments.

I am not sure how I feel about WH anymore... I am still mourning the loss of the old WH and the fact that we didn't share the experience of welcoming our baby into the world as a couple, but know I put him on a pedestal for too long and he is NOT the man I need/want right now.

I posted this somewhere else, but I know I neglected myself in my relationship and allowed myself to become undesirable (not beating myself up, just recognising what is).

Memories:

WH always walking a few paces in front of me, not beside me (okay, I am a famously slow walker, but still...)
WH never wanting to go away on romantic weekends; it was always with friends or activities HE liked.
WH and I turning up to more than most social occasions separately, not as a couple.

Admission: There is a big part of me that is not surprised I lived my pregnancy alone and have given birth to this baby alone and are caring for her alone (I mean without WH..cos I am not really alone..I have my wonderful family). For much of my M I did things alone. Now, this is a GOOD thing in many respects, but I DO remember looking at other couples and seeing them as been much closer and loving and doing things together.. I always put the fact that WH and I were so independent down to the fact that we are an "old" couple compared to the rest, but now I see that WH didn't really like being with me that much... or at least, I wasn't a priority.

What did someone say around here?

Why would you make someone your priority when you are their option?