Holy crap I just read this whole thread and ate an entire frozen pizza.
I feel like a fatty, but I gotta say John, this stuff resonated with me a bit, because my wife and I did this dance also.
We just wouldn't get the hell away from each other (mostly because I pursued) and we tore each other apart with hurt for close to 5 months.
We wouldnt talk for a week, then I would ask her out, we would go out, have fun, come home, have sex and I would get all excited cause I thought we were getting back together.
I would flip out for a few days then bring up the only boundary I ever really had during our separation... That was if she was going to spend "time" with me, she could not spend "time" with any other guys.
THREE TIMES she told me "ok, forget it then". THREE TIMES!
Each time it tore my heart out a little more.
After the second time, I went totally dark for about 3 weeks. That was the longest we had gone without talking to each other in almost 9 years.
She called after three weeks, and told me she wanted to "try" to work on the marriage. I was very happy to hear this, but hesitant.
Then bomb #2 dropped.
she told me she was "seeing" a friend of mine.
I flipped.
Anger. Hurt.
It was something. It was OVERWHELMING.
But, even then I was willing to try. I invited her over to talk.
She came over, and was cold as h3ll towards me, and basically told me flat out "I was just upset that night, and I dont wanna work on this marriage and I'm not gonna stop seeing anyone I want to see."
That was it dude. My heart couldn't take anymore. I literally drank and cried for three straight days with a close friend.
That was the lowest point in my life... Those three days.
And dont get me wrong... I was dating, I was sleeping around, I was doing all the same hurtful things to her that she was to me... But it was just cover. It was just to make her jealous. It wasnt real.
The only difference between her and I was that up until then I was still telling her I would like to give us a shot...
But then I realized something.
There was NO WAY her and I could continue to do this crazy hurtful dance. There was no way it could work like this.
We HAD to just get the f@#k away from each other.
It was over, and I accepted it.
This is the key here, I guess... I ACCEPTED it was over. I didnt like it, and I didnt want it, but it was what it was. It.Was.Over.
I moved on. It was hard at first... Not talking to her, not seeing her every few weeks and not having her in my bed every once in awhile... But, to be honest that wasnt very cool either, because I knew it wasnt real... She wasnt really wanting to be with me. I was just a "fix" for her, and she was just a "fix" for me.
Fast forward almost 3 months with absolutely no contact whatsoever.
I have a girlfriend I very much like.
Said girlfriend is putting some pressure on me to divorce my wife so she will feel more comfortable in our relationship. Seeing as how me and my wife dont even speak anymore, whats the holdup?
She was right, and I finally broke down and texted my wife to say hello, and ask if we could get the divorce going.
And then, we talked, for 4 hours. About everything. Calmly, without anger or hurt.
She asked me out to a movie. My wife hadnt asked me to do ANYTHING with her in over 8 months.
I accepted.
I dumped my girlfriend.
And here I am about a month or so later, and my wife and I are heavily dating each other, and we are absolutely reconnecting and falling back in love in a way that I cant even describe. There is no more anger. There is still hurt, but we are able to talk about our hurt WITHOUT the anger that used to come with it.
Holy damn! I just wrote out my entire damn sitch!
John, my point in all this rambling is this... You have to get away from this situation, as completely as humanly possible before you and her tear each other apart and do so much damage that there WILL be no chance of reconciliation.
My wife and I would not be where we are today if we did NOT get away from each other and take time to heal, reflect, grow and appreciate what we had.
Man, I hope this made sense, and I'm sorry for the INCREDIBLY long post.
