I went ahead and sent the email to my W and have made a few calls to Mediators for a quick telephone consultation. I will try to get back to my W by Thursday/Friday of this week. If not, although I am extremely busy next week I will email her then.
I was sorry to see that your W is talking D, but glad you seem calm and aren't losing sleep. Like you say, it's not over untill the fat lady sings. I know nothing about D in France, let alone in the US. Good you've so many experienced helpers (alas!).
A thought or two: from what you report, and taking into account I know nothing of the procedures, she's not straightforward. I'd have imagined "I want a divorce; you'll be getting a letter from my solicitor, Mr XYZ in the next few days." Yet she sems hesitant. Although you also mention she's careful with money. She seems to want you to do the donkey work and foot the bill.
Would it be a good idea to stage a meeting with her - without any lawyers present - on neutral ground? You haven't seen her nor she you for a while, you've surely got lots to discuss. That way, you could let her see the new you.
On the other hand, mustn't chase. And you want to keep in the lead.
Very tricky, but you'll manage. What seems to "work" is being and doing the opposite of what your WAS expects and wants. Anyway, very good luck and courage. And enjoy the hols. Take a beautiful girl along with you and let her know, maybe?
NCU
Me: 46 H:42 Together for 18 yrs, married 14. 3 children: 2 girls 13 and 10, one boy 7. Husband had affair, ended it and then decided on separation. Separated 08/2010
So I spoke with a couple of Mediators and another L. All of them agree that the pre-nup insulates me and that my W cannot obtain any of my assets and liabilities and visa versa. They all recommend that I let my W file and all I would have to do is hire an L toe review the paperwok. In essence "let her do the work".
The question is, do I lead and file anyway and that way I control the playing field? Or do I tell my W that she should file? And what am I controlling the playing field for anyway. My W will go dark until the day of the D
I just wanted to say that I think that if you tell her she should file, that's leading too. Leading doesn't mean that you do everything yourself, but that you choose the direction instead of being reactive.
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
Thanks! That is what I am thinking too! If she wants the D bad enough let her do the work. She always relied on me to make decsisons and pick-up the check. It is time she put on her BGP.
"After discussing matters with my attorney and the mediators, I have decided that since you wanted the divorce, you should file".
Any last minute mail to exchange? That could be your excuse for meeting. "I have some of your mail, you should start getting that forwarded to your new place, but you can pick up what is already here on __ between ___ and ___". If she has any more stuff, she should get that then too.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 09/16/1012:36 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Hey just popping in to show a little support and the laws in our state (and I am in HFD) tend to benefit the person who files first. Something that you may want to consider.
Feel free to look me up on the alt.
Good Luck,
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
So I am speaking with my L and he recommends that I try and salvage my M by writing my W or seeing her at work and telling her that I want to work on our M. I told him in so many words that I have w/o trying to pursue or look needy. And if I go to her work she would probably have me arrested for stalking or something.
He told me that the pre-nup isn't as iron clad as he thought and that if my W gets a L she could take some of my pension, 401K and savings as well as alimony. So much for pre-nups...must be another part of the D biz. I really got a strange vibe from him tonight.
Based on my L suggetsion if I can't save the M then I need to file first and tell my W that the two of us can work with him. That is if she is serious about not wanting anything from me financially....a really strange meeting today...unsettling
Okay since my last meeting with my L I think I needa new approach to ensure that she keeps her word on not wanting anything financially. Here is the email that I plan to send my W on Friday.
Dear W,
Although, I would like to work on our M, I understand that this is not what you want. I have spoken with several mediators and L and they all agree that the best approach for a uncontested D is that I would file and we would work with one L to dissolve the M. I will retain the L and have the documents prepared. You can work with the L that In retain to sechedule when you would be served the papers. If this is okay with you let me know and I will begin the process.
