Blindsided, Just served with papers!

[TimeHeals]

My thoughts? Boy, I think you should just say you are going to do it. Why can't you get there earlier than her anyway?

Let me explain my thinking. I have never been a parent myself. I have, however, dated divorced women with kids who had custody of those kids most of the time, and the number one complaint about their ex-husbands is usually something like, "He'll let them wear the same clothes every day they are over there, and baths are optional. The kids love him, and he takes them places and buys them toys, but he's just not a good parent".

This isn't always true of their XHs, but I am wondering if your STBXW is "momma bear", and that's why she is holding onto the kids: she's protecting her cubs?

So if they need more shoes, get more shoes. If they need long sleeve shirts, get some. Take an active interest in being "papa bear".