E, sweetie ... so proud of you. You continue to handle your sitch with dignity and honor.
I could blah, blah, blah about how wonderful you are and what an amazing guy you are but I wouldn't want to go overboard with the validation and since Grit is running around (((hugging))) everyone I guess there's no need for that either ...
Keep staying true to you, it will continue to serve you well. Happy Little Friday!
~ T
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
I envy your calm. You seem to really have your head in a good place.
Punkin - I tried to and continue to try to. It is not easy I have to say. I try to remind myself or say to myself the same thing. Just do what is right. I can recall the advice that Bwrol, Mach, Kerry and many others gave me over this past year. In terms of my head being in a good place – I guess it is. Maybe this is “acceptance” – I still Love my W and always will that much I am sure of. Can we become friends in the future. I’ll try my best BUT ultimately it takes two.
IB – thank you. Keep pressing IB…your doing fine.
Brooklyn –
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Do what feels right in your gut. Do what you feel is best for the kids.
That is what I am trying to do….what is best for the kids. The reality is that the best for the kids would be to live with me full time; however, they would still miss their Mom, which does not benefit them either. Based on schedules, school bus constraints, our job schedules, etc – no one solution will be perfect. I keep reminding myself to do what is best for them. I need to always check myself to make sure that my actions are in no way an attempt to get HER to understand the impact of HER actions. Not easy B…not easy.
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But, come on man, a pink tutu? Really? A New Yorker?
Can’t a man be comfortable with his sexuality? Even a New Yorker…okay maybe I will switch to a blue and orange tutu (NY Knick colors). LOL
Mila –
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I can imagine how challenging it was to keep all the emotions under control
You have no idea…..thanks for stopping by 
Tulsa – dude thank you. Ya really need to open your own thread and let us know how you are doing. Remember – we all learn from each other in the process.
Kerry I know you have been through this before and it is tough! It is so surreal to look across the table at the person that you love and who claimed to love you during this process. Very tough. In terms of the financials….
The support payments may end up being 1,800 a month if I do not end up with more of a 50/50 split. The difference between 50/50 and what she is proposing is about 600.00 a month, which is why I believe she is so reluctant to bend. She wants me to parent the children (ie. me come over every day to do homework, etc with the children and then leave) but does not want them to live with Dad. It's wierd I was actually wondering what that would look like if she ended up having someone move it. "Hey, partner of STBXW", would ya like me to throw a steak on the grill for you too" and/or "dude, how would you like your T-shirts folded and hey what's with the stains on the undies" ...LMAO...just LMAO.
In terms of “maintenance” I believe they would like 2k a month, which is crazy. She has a job and although the difference in income between us is substantial (I make about 70% more than she does) I did not ask for this. I hope to see if we can settle at around 600 – 800 a month. My attny seems to feel that this maybe doable but it really depends on how aggressive she wants to pursue this. I will say this – I will fight the maintenance – I just think in principal it is wrong. I do understand the tax benefit and have already factored that in.
The one thing that was a positive (in addition to her willingness to allowing me to be a part of my kids lives) at least in my mind, was the treatment of my bonuses. I explained to the attny that my bonuses are not guarantee and I am in no way trying to short change my kids but I should not have to pay a monthly amount that includes a payment that MAY happen yearly. Her attny agreed and so we will probably settle on some percentage of my bonus. It would work for her and me. The higher the bonus the more she gets and the less I have to pay monthly, thus allowing me to at least be able to feed myself. 
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If I am ever out your way or you out mine, it would be my pleasure to meet you.
Ditto dude – ditto. If you ever make your way anywhere near the east coast let me know.
Trapt - Dude – nice to see you posting again….I’ll say it again..I still remember you, Drew, Jack, Lost and Mach holding my a** up in the early crisis stages of all of this. I will be forever grateful my friend.
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things do become so much better no matter what the outcome is.
I believe this ^^^^ WITH ALL my heart.
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Just keep going man and remain open to any and every possibility that may come your way.
Yep…I am doing this. BTW…do you speak to Drew? I wonder what happened to him.
DU –
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It will come back to you tenfold my friend
Hey…I just played powerball so maybe just maybe it comes back 1,000,000 fold. LOL.
Good – I will in a sec…
Mach / Cat – No post of mine is complete without a THANK YOU! THANK YOU….. <insert picture of Eric and Grit wearing Beaver T-shirts smiling on a beach and holding a sign that says…thank you>
God Bless everyone! Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I can recall the advice that Bwrol, Mach, Kerry and many others gave me over this past year. In terms of my head being in a good place – I guess it is. Maybe this is “acceptance” – I still Love my W and always will that much I am sure of. Can we become friends in the future. I’ll try my best BUT ultimately it takes two.
I think your head is in a real good place right now. IMO that is where you need to stay, in the now. Focus on what's in front of you today. Life keeps right on going and we have to keep living it while walking through this mess.
You still have a bit to deal with as far as the legal process goes, so keep focused and stay strong.
From my experience "acceptance" will come to you in waves, an "in and out" sort of thing. I'm not trying to be a downer, just keep in mind that you are still going to have some down days from time to time. It's completely normal to feel that way, each "down" time will become less severe and last for a shorter amount of time provided that you feel and deal with whatever emotions you are going through at the time. The most important thing is to keep moving, keep living life.
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things do become so much better no matter what the outcome is.
I believe this ^^^^ WITH ALL my heart.
Don't ever let that doubt creep back in.
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BTW…do you speak to Drew? I wonder what happened to him.
From my experience "acceptance" will come to you in waves, an "in and out" sort of thing.
I hear ya dude. I know that I have a few more obsticales to overcome.
Here are just a few... 1) Finding a place to live that is suitable for me and my children.
2) Dealing with the emotions that I will feel when I move and no longer have the kids every day.
3) Trying not to loose my shirt in the legal process. (Hey Grit...If I do can I come over and eat YOUR wheaties..oh wait..you just lost your Sam's club membership - sorry)
4) Purchase furniture for my new place. YES it will be a "man cave" - lava lamp anyone? LOL
5)Deal with the emotions that will continue to come as a result of our interactions.
6) Deal with the emotions that the kiddies will have as a result of this change.
7) Getting comfortable in my new home. This will be tough..I did love our home. I was not a mansion..but it was ours...it was a home of happy times. Damn...I still remember the times when I would pull into the driveway and the back yard was full of kids running and playing, jumping in the pool, etc. W would be feeding everyone...good times man...Ya know what...time to make some new "good times".
Okay...I'm rambling.
Oh..I can't see us really having any true form of R in the future - I may be wrong but really, the woman that I love is no more.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
(Hey Grit...If I do can I come over and eat YOUR wheaties..oh wait..you just lost your Sam's club membership - sorry)
Ouch. Hitting a man in his wheaties ... that's low.
Originally Posted By: ericmsant2
YES it will be a "man cave" - lava lamp anyone? LOL
You can probably pick up one of those prints of the dogs playing poker to hang above the couch!
Originally Posted By: ericmsant2
Damn...I still remember the times when I would pull into the driveway and the back yard was full of kids running and playing, jumping in the pool, etc. W would be feeding everyone...good times man...Ya know what...time to make some new "good times".
I've finally wrapped my head around the fact that our batchit crazy MLC spouses can not take our good memories. They can rewrite history all they want, but I will remember the good times and smile. I won't let all this craziness and pain poison the memories of a life that produced three beautiful kids and a dozen photo albums of a smiling family. We can choose to enjoy the good memories ... for example ... today I was driving to an appt at lunch time when our first dance song from our wedding came on the radio. I turned it up. Sang my guts out and smiled. It was a beautiful day.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Eric, my sweet friend, you are going to be ok. I know it without a doubt.
I hear you on the house thing and the finding a place to live thing and the, well you get the picture. At least you have a job, right?
But Pei is right, the memories are in our hearts. No one can take them away from us.
And you never know what the future holds or how it will unfold. So, just let it happen and maybe one day you and your wife can have a decent working relationship.
You just keep walking this journey. You hold your head up high, be proud of how you acted and how much you've learned and grown.
Take each day as it comes. Look it right in the eye and live it!
and since Grit is running around (((hugging))) everyone I guess there's no need for that either ...