Yes, the more I read, the luckier I realize I was in getting such a wonderful C. I found out later that the C had also had an EA earlier in his marriage, and had learned and grown from that experience. I think it really helped H to feel connected to the C--that he wasn't judging him for what he himself had also done.
As for the "something missing," I think it was his personal happiness, or a sense of peace. Until he accepted that he was not responsible for his mother's beatings, he felt a guilt that "overlaid" the guilt he felt towards me. He described a strong internal feeling of pushing me away ... so obviously there was going to be something missing in his attempts to connect with me.
