Actually she brought that up yesterday, not me. I told her I'm sorry she feels that way, and basically I can't tell her how she feels. We had a calm conversation. W has a shop at home, and we were discussing options. I can't walk away with nothing, and she can't manage to buy my half out. Bad sitch there too.
What are you doing for YOU? Cutting out bad habbits, fitness routine, nutrition program, GAL activities?
I ask because the whole detached & confident thing might give you more options. It's always wise to protect yourself on one front, but... whether or not you embrace this and have a better time with it is up to you.
WWCGS? (What Would Cary Grant Say)
Hypothetical movie script starring Katherine Hepburn & Cary Grant:
KH: "You deserve somebody who loves you".
CG: "I do? I'm glad you agree with me. You see there? We don't disagree on everything--<wink>".
KH: "You're not taking me serious!".
CG: "I am. I always take beautiful women seriously, especially when they are beautiful women telling me I deserve love--big smile".
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
A better attitude, I lift wts., jog, I have a hobby that the season is just about over for ,but archery deer season is a couple weeks away. Need to improve my social life though.
Well guys , W said she is done, not happy. She said I deserve someone who will love me back. She also said that her hormone levels are fine they were checked. Thing is, I didn't like our arrangement and have been preparing for this. So even though it wasn't easy I was ready.
Of course her hormone levels are fine, what would you expect her to say that she is in peri menopause, or PMS. That would mean admitting she was wrong and you weren't the cause of her problems. She would have to look inward and that is not part of the solution right now. It is easier for everyone to look at anything else but what they should be looking at.
You must detach yourself from all this and let her do her thing. I would suggest reading the 6 stages of MLC to better understand what is going on.
Of course her hormone levels are fine, what would you expect her to say that she is in peri menopause
Wow, this is confusing. So if they have their hormone levels checked and say they are OK, they are lying. If they say they are not OK, they are telling the truth.
No matter what they say, you get the diagnosis you are expecting
How do you deal with confirmation bias, I wonder?
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I don't know about any "6 stages" of anything. Usually such models are artificial constructs used by therapists as a guidline for dealing with patients and based on a rather limited cross-section of the population as a whole.
I did find this for you though:
"A particularly conspicuous feature of middle age is that life is restructured in terms of time left to live rather than time since birth. Not only is there a reversal of directionality but an awareness that time is finite".7 Recalling the different meanings a birthday has to a child and to someone in the middle years helps one grasp the idea. The youngster likely greets his birthday as marking his new size, new knowledge, and ever-growing powers and capacities that he expects to exercise in a future that conceived as limitless and open. It is reason to celebrate. For the middle-aged person, the birthday is likely to be a firm reminder of time's passage. It is frequently a time of weighing what has and what has not been achieved -and the future is seen as time remaining. The person may be reminded of his own mortality as a concrete reality rather than as an abstract principle.
This changed time perspective may well foster a 'now or never' attitude. Postponement is easier when the future is extended; when the future is limited, postponenment of goals and wishes merges into relinquishing them. For the middle-aged person, those wishes that had been set aside for such considerations as family, reputation, or career must now be given up or grasped quickly.
I am unpopular with the MLC forum because I tend to relate things back to the latest research and primarily the role that our time perspective profile plays in how we perceive the world around us and interact with others.
I find it particularly interesting how people who have spent much of their lives with a time perspective that is skewed toward "future positive" can suddenly shift to being highly skewed toward a "present hedonic" time perspective. And it can happen at any age, although it is more common around mid-life.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
TH the point about the hormones is that she won't admit that they are messed up, but they ARE! Hormone level can not be checked because in peri menopause it is the fluctuations that cause the havoc. My D24 is having problems every 30 days, what would you guess is her problem?
Thanks for the article, TimeHeals. It's a nice little summary of much of the information available in the resources section here, and I like the emphasis on supporting the MLCer in its conclusion. I find it odd, however, that it makes no mention of the traumatic event which almost inevitably precipitates the MLC, as the trigger for the depression
Ya know my wife has not mentioned the D word. It's always she wants out of our marriage. And during our talk the other night it's like she wanted me to beg and all that stuff. We talked about how blessed we were with what we have and she said "I should just shut up and live like this" (being unhappy). I got mixed signals. Although the last two days she definitely is avoiding me. That's ok i've been real busy.
