When your spouse doesn't fight with you

[Ihavehope]

So, I am trying to wrap my head around everything. Almost all that I have read indicates that the WAS is mad and angry or otherwise mean to the LBS. A lot of the rules are based in the idea that being around them is unpleasant or how to avoid fighting. That's not an issue for us. In fact we are better friends right now than we have been in years, even though i have weak, painful moments. 

So what if avoiding anger is not the case? What if the WAS truly seems happier with the fact that the relationship is over? It's almost like a weight has been lifted off of him. He was so miserable that it showed in our interactions. Now that he doesn't have the misery hanging over his head he is able to be fun and funny with me again (well, when he is around, anyway). 

But knowing him as i do, he is used to people not being there for him, used to people walking out on him, used to people not talking to him for YEARS. Going dark will be best for me, and when he moves out I plan to. It's too hard right now, since i have to see him every day, multiple times a day. 

In the past, when he was done with someone he was done. He always wanted to be their friends afterwards, but none of them ever did. He doesn't talk to them because they essentially go dark. He respects it an leaves them alone. It never got him to go back to them. He just dropped the friendship. 

But has anyone had a NOT mean spouse? One who seemed happier alone than with you? One you didn't fight with and overall had a pleasant relationship with? 

I truly don't know my best course of action. I DO think I'd rather be friendly than friends, but will likely have to go dark for a while to heal. But I hoping a friendship is possible one day. I just don't know that it is. 

But I keep reading about these spouses that waffle back and forth, go from happy to mad, etc. He does none of that. He was done, he said so, he fought me briefly, and is now 'friends' with me. He never ever even mentions 'us' or working on anything. He has bits of flirtation, but he IS a flirt and flirts innocently with everyone he knows. Even friends. So because of our past I read more into it than I should, I know. I just don't know where he is at other than what he tells me. His actions are clear of a man who is uncomfortable being around the KIDS and wants to be away from the house, but when he's with ME he's fine. He has guilt about the kids, but not me, I don't think. It's so strange to think he really is over me completely. With no question at all. So painful.