Hi all. It has been quite the rollercoaster of emotions lately as I realize that it is in my best interest financially to pursue a legal separation. As we creep more into debt due to maintaining two separate residences and lifestyles, I am not okay with where our money is going. I feel like a total jerk since I am a stay at home momma, but I know that the decision to stay home was one made by my H and I together so I shouldn't feel guilty over that. Still, despite all of the mess of the past 10 months, I am sad about having to 'stick it to' my H, but I know that this is the best for me and D.
On top of that, my frequent interactions with H have been a TOTAL dance. One day, we can pleasantly hang out and spend time with D, and the next I am screaming into a pillow I am so frustrated with some of the things he says/does. Need to work on detaching more, I suppose, but when it comes down to him choosing himself over D, I have a hard time not getting upset! On a positive note, when I do flip out, I make sure to do it in private and am recovering much more quickly than I used to.
I'm moving forward with the pursuit of the separation slowly, and a little scared, but also a little hopeful for me that it will be somewhat freeing.
