The final stages...withdrawal to acceptance

[Upside]

gag and Lance-I agree that if you periodically go back and read posts you can gain new understanding from them. Trying to understand MLC, at least for me, has been difficult...you do gain new understanding as you move through this.

pie-happy_again's posts really helped me as well.

hpb-Thanks for posting the link to Favoritewierdo.

Wonka-

I will need to look up the "acceptance" phase as outlined in HB's thread to see how my acceptance progressed.

If you get the opportunity to do this and share your thoughts, it would be so appreciated. As I say, we all know that each MLC experience is unique but there are still similarities. Your perspective is so helpful in giving us LBS's a clearer idea of what our spouse is going through.

These are the clues to why your MLC spouse acts in certain ways. It was as if the "growing up" process was interrupted and the brainwaves or the memory bank was stuck in gear. I could be wrong...but it seems to be the universal signpost of the MLCer.

So during your MLC, did you feel like you were stuck as an 11 year old kid or did you feel like you matured during the process?

To get beyond the teenaged thinking, the C worked with my H to recognize the difference between what his teenaged brain was telling him ("Why shouldn't I have an OW if I want one?") and what his mature brain thought, and how to keep switching back to the second one. It was a HUGE battle for H to get to the point where his mature brain was fully in charge, and he felt so proud of himself for fighting the addiction of listening to the teenaged brain.

Do you think your H could have made it through without the help of a C?

My rule of thumb became, as long as H was still addicted to the drama, he wasn't "done."

This is something that all LBS's should remember. Also, their words mean nothing until their actions back them up.

Don't read too much into the timeline of bomb dropping. Some occur at the very beginning of MLC and others near the end of the MLC. All are dependent on how far the MLCer has struggled with internalized pain and confusion.

This is interesting because I always thought the bomb was toward the beginning of the crisis. Wonka's seemed to be nearer to the end.

punkin-Do you think your H has NPD?

Everyone, thank you so much for the posts. This is some great information. Please keep it coming.