Here I am.

[gutwrenching]

Hosea
Sorry for you being here, but there are plenty of people to support you and offer ideas on what to do. Unfortunately, there is no magic formula to any of this.

First off, there is no chance of reconcilliation if EA is still going on. That doesn't mean you have to slam the door shut, but either by you exposing to OMs chain of command or your W deciding you are better option or something...if she is still in a la la land over OM then you will find progress very difficult.

You need to figure out what made her unhapppy, what made her stray, what are the things in you that need to be changed and start there. People will tell you that you need to do it for yourself, which is true, but you can also do it with the hopes that some day those changes will help rebuild a M.

Avoid all R talks, especially with the long distance and the stress of her being deployed. Start to think through now how the transition period is going to be when she returns...not only will she be returning after being gone a long time, but now all the other garbage out on the table. This will be your time to show you have changed without pursuing her...that will not be easy, but you have time on your side and some vets here that can probably give you some great ideas. Right now, she sees everything about you and the M in a negative light...no words, emails or letters are likely to change that...but when she returns there is a chance for her to say wow, I didn't remember all these positives.