I mostly just listened and answered a few questions. Tried to be nice, but not too nice. Didn't ask her any questions and didn't really try to build on any conversation. Is this the right way to go about this at the moment?
Yep, that is the right way to handle it. Pat yourself on the back, Dan.
I went through a period of very intense dreams about my W. In them, things were better than ever between us and I can remember thinking that I was glad that I learned what I did from this board and all the reading, etc., that it all led to a much better relationship than we ever had before. One night, I woke up feeling happy and content, walked in the bathroom with a smile on my face and it slowly hit me that it was all a dream and I was back to reality. I went back to my empty bed and cried for a while.
The dreams passed. I guess it's a normal part of the process? Y
On the dove hunting - my FIL plants several acres of sunflowers each year. It is a blast!! I've got three patches that I hunt and I can't wait until the twins are old enough for a .410 of their own to go with me.
Anyway, take care, Dan. You sound like you are doing well.
That has to be part of the LBS script. I've had the same basic dream, though when I woke up, I was pissed, not sad.
Was kooking through some pics of me on my work computer to see if I could find any to post on dating sites and stumbled across a pic of me, W and S at a party where a friend's band was playing in the summer of 2009. Nothing special, just jeans and a shirt type thing, but I thought W looked exceptional in the picture. Holding a beer, smiling like she was happy, my arm around her, very bright eyes and not so skinny like she is today. It's breaking me down, but I can't stop looking at it.
I didn't know if she had a copy of this one since it was e-mailed from a friend, so I sent it to her and told her that I thought she looked exceptional in it, because to me, she does.
Probably exactly the wrong thing to do, but it is done. I am way too compulsive.
It is difficult when you go through the pictures and all. I did that about four weeks after she left. I put all of my electronic photos on a disk and put the disks and the other photos in a locked box and put it in the basement. I figure there will come a time when having them will not matter, but for now they are in a safe place and out of sight out of mind.
I thought about dating too. I am not sure if I am ready, but casual dating I think would be good for us. So put on a smile and have a great time!
Probably exactly the wrong thing to do, but it is done. I am way too compulsive.
Give yourself a break, Dan! Enjoy the memories you had. Then make decisions for your future...wait for her, move on, whatever...be proud for being a man that loves his wife and isn't off looking for tail. It doesn't mean things ahve to work out as a marriage...what's wrong with loving someone much more deeply than they love you? Just don't get trapped in a pity party for things you can't change. It is up to you to be the man you want to be/should be, and up to her to notice or ignore.
I've done the picture walk, examining old memories. Those memories will be there, even if my W isn't. She can try to tain them with her disdain and anger, but the good (and bad) will have still remained.
Is it normal to receive e-mails like this from separated or X spouses?
From W: Just wanted to let you know, the teacher sent a note home explaining S is in the accelerated math program at the recommendation of his last teacher. The letter stated he is doing 7th grade level math (he is in 6th grade). If he has problems they are supposed to let us know and have a conference with us.
The letter said the plan is for him to continue in accelerated math through the 7th grade and in 8th grade he would then be in Honors Algebra. We'll see how it goes. I do notice he's been getting some wrong on math worksheets but nothing that looks too concerning at this point. I think I saved the letter if you want to see it.
Me to W: Forgot to ask. I assume you were able to get the name changed on the cable service? Did you find the cable bill I left on the kitchen table with the rest of your mail?
W to Me: I found the cable bill. They will not change the name yet because of the phone being in your name. If I cancel the phone...which I am leaning toward doing, I need to bring the modem and power cord in and they will issue me an internet only modem. If I do that they will change the name without you coming in. If I keep the phone service, you would have to go in to change the name. I did complete the paperwork to change the name and they are holding it until I bring the modem in. I was going to try to do that tomorrow. My only possible problem with that is she couldn't quote me a price yet on what just internet and cable would be, it could be a significant discount or it may not be. She can't give me a package price until 3 days after the modem is brought in or the name change is done or something like that. So....here I go again with my long explanation. Bottom line....I plan to exchange the modem and then it will be a matter of a few days for the name change to be done. I'm just a bit paranoid to be without a home phone. I'm not sure why.
W to Me today: Hi,
S had a rough night last night. His friend's Mom said he was fine at soccer and seemed to have fun on the way there, etc. When he got home I told him the punishment for punching me and he was really upset. He said it was the worst day ever and he cried and cried. After about 5 minutes it was more of a fake cry. He said his day was awful and he couldn't control it, when he hit me. I told him that was a problem and no matter what he was feeling it was never acceptable. He explained he had a ton of work at school, gym sucked and then he had to go to soccer. He said his friend embarrassed him in the car and in front of the soccer team by saying Josh cried about coming to soccer practice. I think I told his friend's Mom that he got teary eyed and his friend overheard. I told S not to worry about it and he should just tell his teammates it wasn't true. He said he did but they didn't believe him. He was quite dramatic. I then had to ask him why he didn't turn in his picture form and money which got him all angry again. Anyway, then I told him he needed a shower/wash hair and that really was about to send him over the edge, so I told him since he had such a rough day and he was saying he had no time for himself to do what he wanted ( which was true) he could have that time before bed to do what he wanted except no I-pod or computer. So I didn't make him take a shower, which he really needed. Please make him shower and wash hair tonight. His hair is really greasy. He should also be using deodorant. He says his pits are starting to smell weird. I am going to try to get home before school is out, so I will put some of their stuff they want to bring over on the bench. S needs to be wearing his retainer at night. I will put it in the case on the bench. He needs to make sure he has it Monday when I pick him up. Also, he is going to bring a library book which he is afraid he'll forget at your house. If you could make a note and remind him to bring that with him Monday. He should try to read a little this weekend.
Thanks. Have a good weekend. I'll be at the soccer game on Saturday. Not sure about Sunday, yet. Going to my hometown after the game on Saturday. Since they play at the same time on Saturday we can switch at halftime like usual.
I don't think that there's anything there to respond to. She's just used to talking to you about this stuff and you're not there anymore. But, she chose the situation so let her be.
One thing though...you have younger kids. Is she thinking of going without a home phone? I insisted on keeping a home phone while the kids were younger and had no cell phones. There will be times when they might be at home alone for an hour or two. They need a way to call if there is an emergency. Also, it keeps you from having to call her to speak to your children. Just food for thought.
Should I be responding to these?...Is it normal to receive e-mails like this from separated or X spouses?
Co-parenting is the right thing to do for your kids. Respond to parenting issues.
Possibly start with a "Thanks for sharing"
Quote:
...I think I saved the letter if you want to see it....
My thoughts as a response: "I most definitely want to see the letter and all correspondence from the school. I would like to suggest that we both initial all paperwork as a way to assure both parents have seen it before it is removed....."
Also confirm that the suggested exchange works for you. If it doesn't, Tell her and suggest an alternative.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I don't think that there's anything there to respond to. She's just used to talking to you about this stuff and you're not there anymore. But, she chose the situation so let her be.
One thing though...you have younger kids. Is she thinking of going without a home phone? I insisted on keeping a home phone while the kids were younger and had no cell phones. There will be times when they might be at home alone for an hour or two. They need a way to call if there is an emergency. Also, it keeps you from having to call her to speak to your children. Just food for thought.
Only responding a minimal amount for now. Yes, she is thinking about going without a land line. D already has a cell phone and S will get one soon.
