Moving Forward

[gutwrenching]

I said I would start a thread here and it took me about 6 weeks to get that done.

I don't know how to link my newcomers threads, but short version is WAW in Oct 09, bomb dropped in Nov 09, discover EA in Dec 09 and discover DB about the same time I learn of OM. Expose the affair and now that I'm piecing and know everything, they just went deeper undercover...new e-mail accounts, two different pay as you go phones, using chat programs on iphones, etc

Apr 10 - W decides she wants to "try"...that lasts one week. In May, again wants to "try"...that lasts one week. June, same thing and this time she tells me she has ended it with OM and while snooping I see emails to confirm that...and it lasts one week. July, W says that's it, we're done, want D and she even tells me about other past As.

We move with the kids, driving across the US and it is stressful but I can sense some second thoughts on her part, but also know she is still communicating with OM. Dropp off W, take the kids with me, let her go...and two days later she is an absolute wreck, in tears, regretting what she has done, asking for another chances.

After thinking it through, setting some boundaries, gaining transparency, we decide to piece our marriage back together. That was in early Aug.

Piecing has gone well. We had the "2nd honeymoon stage" for a little bit and now have setteled into our new home, new life, new M. We got through our first couple significant arguments which was tough but we survived.

A couple of days ago, as I had predicted, OM contacted W again via e-mail. W didn't believe he would. She had told him never again and that basically she didn't like the person she had become because of him and didn't like the person he was now that she really had gotten to know him better. Email from OM was to "thank her" for all she had done and for their relationship and for showing him/giving him the strength to now tell his W he wants a D. So it was really to let my W know he was going back on the open market.

She assured me she would not reply, and it was genuine. So we continue to piece but it sucks knowing the snake (as my friend Lost Rabbit has so adequately termed him) continues to lurk in the background.

The hardest part for me to this point is letting go of thinking about OM and past As. Gaining trust is not easy either, but my W is trying very, very hard to show/prove she has chosen me and will never go back and is willing to make this work.

We have also agreed to Retrouville, but have to wait for a weekend session close enough to attend and find someone to watch the kids.

I owe a ton of people a ton of thanks. I would have never made it this far without these boards!