I am not a failure - but I AM so unbelievably SAD, HURT, and HEARTBROKEN. I do SO much better when I have NO contact. I'm not strong enough today - that's the truth!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
So, after a difficult evening - I wake up to my Daily DivorceCare email:
When a Marriage Breaks Apart - Day 32
Quote:
When a couple marries, they are no longer two individuals. They become what the Bible calls "one flesh." Genesis 2:24 puts it this way: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."
Unfortunately, people make decisions that lead to the breaking of marriage bonds. To better understand the extreme pain of separation and divorce, think about what happens when a marriage bond comes apart. The married couple does not revert to being two individuals again. Instead, they become two parts of the same one-flesh marriage, torn away, with huge, gaping emotional wounds.
Dr. Myles Munroe shares: "People will say, 'Well, my husband and I separated.' That's not true. You tore, and that's where the hurt is. You actually tear, and parts of you go with the other person. That's why breaking a relationship is so difficult because you lose a part of yourself forever."
Don says, "There wasn't an aspect of my life that wasn't torn and ripped. There was pain in parts of my body that I didn't even know pain could reach."
Jesus describes this one flesh relationship:
"So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate" (Mark 10:8-9).
This is EXACTLY how I feel!!!!!!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Because I think to the outside world - including my H - it appears that I am pathetic / while he is running around as "mr bachelor" - I am "pretending" to be married. I know who I am and what I believe - it just goes against a lot of my friends and family's understandings or beliefs. Too traditional for most of them.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Trust me on this one. What you feel appears to other people and your H, and what truely appears are two completely different things. My H has slipped up and said things before like "I deserve to get a life just like you have" ?????? I have a life? My friends think I'm the strongest thing since Hercules, even though they think that I'm all for and ready to divorce. Not that I've told them that, just they assume.
You do not appear pathetic. You appear strong, committed, mature, and appealing.
I have these same self doubts and confusion. I don't think anyone who is here doesn't at one time or another. But in my mind and heart, I know better, and you should too.
Everyone here is correct. I love Gritt's response. I would also be wearing my wedding ring but our D13 was playing with it and didn't tell me and went down the bathroom sink.
I do wear my engagement ring though. You are not a failure at all, you are doing great. I work full time and a part time job so my house is a mess. I was so depressed and tired (still am), that I let things go but I have started to make the kids help more and I'm doing things a little at a time. So I know how you feel.
I was wondering if I could vent on here too? That's if you don't mind. I'm having a terrible day today myself and was wondering if I could get some advice from you and others. I just don't know what to think or do on this situation. If you mind just let me know and I won't post except on you sitch ever again.
Need to vent.
Update. Last night our D13 told me that the guidance counselor told her that H had called the school and talked to her and told her he wants all reports on our daughter. He wants copies sent to his apartment of her report cards and other things like if she gets detention or something.
Well, she had a form that needed to be filled out for the nurse yesterday and it asked for both of our addresses if parents are separated or divorced. So I told her to text him even though he would be sleeping and ask for his address (since I still don't know it).
Well, he gets up around 3 a.m. and when we were getting ready for school and work she checked her phone and he never texted her back. So she tries to call him so she can take the form back to school today. He doesn't answer so she texts him again and his response was they already have it and she told him okay but she needed it for another form for the nurse. Same response comes back, they already have it.
Now remember, he has no rights to her. He gave them up over a year ago in May. I do let H see her when she wants to see H. I was looking at this as a positive thing....H being involved with her school work last night but now he just seems to be wanting a reaction from me!!!
Do I contact the school (which I told them a year ago in May) that H doesn't have rights to her at all? Is this just another way to p*ss me off by not answering her about his new address?
I purposely have not asked her for the address for a month now, but the more I think about it I want to know the exact address and where she is going to be when with H. I know the city, but not the street address.
Why can't he just pick up the phone and call me and ask for copies of her report cards or ask how she is doing?
He told D13, still don't know why in the middle of May that if I text him he will read it but not respond. I haven't heard from him since. He asks D13 if I have a boyfriend or other things, has her in the middle so much.
We were doing good in March, even thinking about dating to see where things go. He must have spoke to his family about it, cause what they say goes like a little kid, and he said it wouldn't be a good idea. And now that his family is more involved (I think they had something to do with this) is H doing what they are telling to do? There is no OW but it is like there is because H lets his family tell him what to do and when to do it.
I really thought things were going to get a little better. H going to the Dr., taking AD's again, getting involved with our D's school stuff but I'm wondering now if this is just another game with him to get a reaction out of me as far as not giving our D13 the exact address.
The whole embarassed thing. Man do I get that! This was something I carried around for a long time.
Some things to think about ...
1. Do YOU feel pathetic? Why or why not? 2. Why do you assume others see you as pathetic? 3. Why do you care if someone else "thinks" you are pathetic?
Originally Posted By: Irish
I sometimes feel embarrassed that I am still wearing mine - but I believe that I am still legally married and I will need to behave that way.
4. You are still legally married. You don't need to 'believe' it, it's just a fact. Are you wearing your ring for that reason only? 5. "NEED" to behave that way???? Seriously, sweetie ... you don't NEED to behave in any way ... how do you WANT to behave, what is true to Irish? That is what you are looking for ... you don't NEED to do anything based on social conventions, family expectations, blah, blah, blah ...
Originally Posted By: punkin
You do not appear pathetic. You appear strong, committed, mature, and appealing.
Originally Posted By: Truegritter
That is what I think Irish.
6. I happen to agree. But who gives a flying f@ck what we think either. Irish, Grit is right ... you need to own this and wear like skin for YOU.
Originally Posted By: Truegritter
Time to back up the talk Irish.
AMEN brotha!
Originally Posted By: Truegritter
The Irish you are and want to be...
Do for YOU.
As Brooklyn would say ... time to get to gettin' ....
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
