Thanks for the insight. I am now going to relocate to Canada to be closer to my children ages 4 and 6. Whatever chance our marriage has it's better there where my wife and kids have made a life for themselves albeit w/o me.
PS For those who said I should see a lawyer, I did. I basically don't have a legal leg to stand on. Even if my wife came back to WA state, she would be allowed by the courts there to relocate (with the children) where ever she wanted w/o penalty.
You are right. At least I don't understand. I'm not trying to e a smartass here, but this is an issue in my R also. Can you enlighten us? They are only pictures on a screen. That is worse than another live human being whom emotions are shared with?
I can understand how it would be a problem if it meant we were negleting our W's,but what if that was not the case? I don't think I have an addiction, but I used it when W wasn't "interested". I didn't think it was a big deal, but apparently it was. It seems that some women are particularly averse, while others don't seem to care. I don't get it.
I think this depends entirely on the man and the kind of H he is and the personality of the W. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and what's ok in one's M would be totally wrong and not ok in another's. And I certainly don't want to start a debate on porn here or if it's disrespectful to women (and I have the ultimate respect for Luv...) But to add a different view... My H has tons of this stuff on his computer and probably looks online, too, on a nightly basis. I don't care at all. In fact, I hardly ever have thought about it. Why? For one, b/c I wasn't always interested in sex (his biggest complaint) and frankly was somewhat relieved and glad he could "take care of himself" on nights we weren't intimate.
Another reason is that I've always been 100% crystal clear, even now, while he wants to D me, that he considers me very attractive, much more so than other women, and would much rather be with me in person than look at this stuff online. I know this without a doubt, whatever other problems we have. I am confident that he finds me attractive and as long as he's looking at (essentially) someone who "doesn't exist" (i.e., it's not someone he can chat online with or meet), it's not much of a threat. Do I think they're hotter than me? Yes, probably. But they're all airbrushed and have boob jobs, etc. Now, if he were to have had an A, that would be TOTALLY unacceptable. We never said in our M vows we couldn't look at other people and find them attractive. But an A is cheating, not ok at all with me.
Actually, compared to what I consider H's addiction to his computer games, this doesn't even rate as a problem in our M. It's not done when his D needs him, it doesn't interfere with his parenting that I can tell, and I know it's not his preference- his preference is me. The confidence I feel about that is pretty much all due to his words and actions over the years that tell me he'd take me any day over some model with perfect boobs. When I was my thinnest, when I was 15 lbs too heavy, while I was pregnant, after I had a child- he sincerely told me all the time, how beautiful I was. And I believed him and still do. Do I wish he didn't feel the need to look at these airbrushed things? I guess, yes, but it's really not much of an issue to me (which kind of surprises me too, but there it is). This is just one woman's opinion here. I'm sure a lot of women would wholeheartedly disagree with me and they're totally "right", too. It's all in the context of your R and what other behaviors going on, etc., plus your personal feelings. Just wanted to add my 2 cents.
-A
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
Well, I hope things have improved for you. Have you moved to Canada now? I have just read through your sitch, and it is painful for a serviceman to come back to all this stress. There are some here whose husbands have come back and then left them after a long time of keeping the home fires burning, as it were. So, it seems to go both ways.
For me, porno was a big issue, especially since it kept my H away. It also changed the kind of s*x he wanted ... rough, no romance, not really making love. So, I slowly got put off, and he got offended because he thought he wasn't doing a good job (which he wasn't ... duh). Then he had an EA, and that put the spoke in the wheels. Long story, but that's what I feel about a H looking at porn. To me, it is cheating.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Sitting here in nowhere Canada has given me time to think. I do think I have been compulsive at times in my viewing of porn on the internet, but have also gone months without. My wife never had a problem with it early in our marriage. I haven't had sex in almost 4 years. (I don't think my wife can say the same) She would say I used porn instead of her and lied about it. I think I used porn because, she had no interest in me and I lied about it because I was ashamed.
In any case, I don't deserve to be dumped in the desert 7000 miles from home and have my family taken from me while my spouse continues to take the majority of my pay. I especially don't deserve to be forced to give up my home, friends, job and country just so I can be near my children.
In any case, I don't deserve to be dumped in the desert 7000 miles from home and have my family taken from me while my spouse continues to take the majority of my pay. I especially don't deserve to be forced to give up my home, friends, job and country just so I can be near my children.
Damm straight you dont deserve it..while you've been away servign your country. It must be so hard to give up everything.. just make sure not to give up on yourself.
Me: 28 H:30 M:19/03/09 Renewed vows in home country: 19/03/10 Together: 7 1/2 years Married : 2yr 3 months S:26/06/10 reconciliation started: 1/10/10 Separation 2: 4/5/2011
