Julia 40%?? WoW, I had at least 200 posters posting to me through the 72 threads, I think around 6-7 max did reconcile...
Coach and Greek were lucky to not have another person involved. Coach tackled this sitch with a clear head, head on, he made the right moves at the right time. Not all cases have the same level of difficulty. OPs perplex things a lot and that usually means a lot of time is required because it is not only your R that has to be changed, it is another R that you have no control over that has to die....
I believe men do not leave if there isnt another person. I believe women that are "done done" and the bomb isnt just their way to provoke change, wont look back.
I am now reconciling and as my friend Mike says, I am always worried I am settling. We are not "there" yet and dont knwo if we will get there, I know that DBing (at first without knowing about DBing then finding this site), helped ME to regain my sanity and be patient and be careful. I had time to figure what I was fighting for, I had time to strip him from his good and "Admire him" at his worst. I even had the opportunity to fall in love with a wonderful man and THEN had to force myself to get my head out ofthe clouds. VERY difficult. BUT I did it.
I see people making rules, plans, giving strict instructions to newbies, refusing to help if the newcomers wont "listen to them"... I think that is too much. People advise newcomers to involve kids with the infidelity, kick them out, bust the affair, etc etc. Although several of the above did work for me, they will not for everyone. I am worried when I read some posts.I prefer not to interfere, but I would advise everyone to be very careful when advising newcomers. When people are hit by the bomb, their heads dont work properly and would do anything a "successful DBer" suggests... At least many of the newcomers.
I believe IF there is chance, DBing works. If the WAS is not too far gone, DBing will give you a second chance. And of course, timing and luck are important. K
