I was on this board after the end of my first marriage 9 years ago. I admit I moved on fairly quickly then - moved in with my now STBXH within a year and we were married in 2006. STBXH dropped the bomb on 31 August that he wanted a divorce. I cried and begged but he seemed pretty determined. We both went to work the next day and when I came home I asked if he wanted to talk at all, whether he his thoughts had changed at all. He said no, he was fully decided he wanted a divorce. I couldn't stay in the same house under the circumstances as it would be just too hard so I spent a few nights with a couple we know and am now boarding with a couple of single female friends. It has all moved really quickly - joint accounts have been closed and joint bills split so that we each have our own. After about a week I sent him a text message saying that I wouldn't harrass him but if he wanted to talk about saving our marriage and seeing if we could return to the love we shared, I am willing but would accept his decision.
I had raised the idea of a divorce a couple of years ago because we always seemed to be headed in slightly different directions. I believe that deep down we both watned the same things out of life but saw different ways of getting there. I'm not sure whether he never forgave me for suggesting a divorce or whether it's just because we didn't put in the work required when we saw the cracks appearing. I do know we could have done tons more to fix the relationship then. I guess we made the stupid mistake of hoping it would all go away. When I asked could we not try to fix things properly this time he said he was sick of trying, but couldn't give me any examples of what efforts we had made. It's clear now that we surely didn't communicate well.
At the moment my goal is to get through this, whatever happens. If STBXH decides he would like to work on our marriage he knows how to contact me. In the meantime I've got a heap of work to do on myself. I need to take a good hard look at myself and work out why I didn't put in the work a couple of years ago. I need to work on being happy in myself so that if we were to attempt to reconcile I'd be in a better place to do so, and if I do end up on my own, then I need to be ok with that too.
