Does anybody think that I WANT to put in extra hours at work in order to get promoted and make more money so we can have a BETTER life and W can stay home with the kids, because that is a better life for them? I don't WANT to work that much, but I make a choice to, just as I choose to make changes to better the relationship.
Am I just out of my mind? I THOUGHT I was doing the right thing.
Well, in my case, my Dan (yep he has the same name) started at the bottom and worked his way to the top. I got to stay at home. By the end or our M he was working a job he says he despised, in order to provide for us. Thing is, I told him more than once that I would rather have a smaller house and cheaper car and clothes, to have him around more (in a different, less demanding job). When he was finally honest with himself it was clear he wanted to have the nice truck and toys...it was as much about his ego as it was providing for us. So sometimes, one spouse thinks that working harder/longer is better, when if they listened to their spouse, they would find out it wasn't really necessary...
Just a different POV
I hear that....now. During her blow-up in January she told me "I don't care about the money, but that was the first time I heard that. She could have told me before I got my masters degree, professional certification and a bunch of promotions. Those things didn't happen in a day. They took a long time. Plus, she spent money like it was going out of style on clothes, shoes, make-up and hair products, salon, the kids, etc. Hell, we just finished the basement less than 2 months before her blow-up and we had to get ta concrete bar-top, the best carpet and padding, very nice furniture, a new TV, etc. We spent ridiculous sums of money for something like this to be on her mind.
I'll tell you, I would have preferred a much less stressful job for less $, but my whole career has been working to get promoted and make $. I didn't like having 13 people report to me, but she didn't want to take any promotions because she didn't want to have to deal with it. That is fine, but somebody had to. I was pulling out my eyebrows and cuticles from the stress to the point where my thumbnails had huge ridges in them. I still do it some now, but much less, even while getting divorced.
Sorry to rant, and I do understand your point. I guess my problem is that I was never made aware of these issues until it was too late.
Thanks for chiming in. Alternate views are always appreciated. I see I am defending myself again. I always do that. One of MY issues.
