On two ends of the world..

[ris]

FMV, great to see you as always I just got the book yesterday and only read the introduction so far. Definitely rang true in moments, I'm looking forward to the rest of it.


I actually had quite a revelation today regarding the TEA. I was walking home from work (a lot of my fruitful thinking seems to happen when walking :P ) and thinking about my soon approaching birthday and the fact that if the situation doesn't change from what it is now, I probably won't get any bday wishes from H. It made me sad and I thought of what we did for his bday and at that point I was so upset I had tears in my eyes.

Then I thought again of the fact that I get to the point of tears so easily and the whole problem of controlling my emotions. I asked myself: What should I have done in order not to get so upset? I retraced my thoughts and it hit me: I deliberately made myself upset over this! A bit of it was the "poor me" thinking, but also I developed the notion that if I face the most upsetting thoughts, I will eventually become numb to them and they won't hurt anymore. I recognized that I use this pattern of thinking negative things as a coping mechanism. I'm not sure what to do with this discovery yet, but I think it's causing me more pain than good.

Following TEA cycle thory, now that I realized what thoughts are causing my emotion, I need to challenge my thoughts. This page explains it very well I think.