Cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it

[CityGirl]

And I can assure you that the amount of support Mrs. Romeo is getting each month is more than ample for her to live on AND save.

I've had a tough morning and maybe I am just over emotional and out of sorts but this continued BS must stop. I say that about D (d = my H) as well. Just because attnys are in the picture it doesn't mean abuse isn't taking place. And I think your W is just as abusive as my H. And that is a real sh*tty thing to have in common.

You have been a gentleman and have taken the high road at EVERY turn. You can still be a gentleman but be sure to be a gentleman with a set of brass ones.

For once YOU have some power here. Use it wisely. Things like this only happen once in a divorce case - be mindful of the opportunity.

[ImprovedRomeo]

I hear you guys and those of you that know me this is so not me despite her behavior so I'm having a tough time telling her to screw off. The thing is though it's not that large a sum and she could borrow it from her friend etc then really get nasty with me when the time comes for the final settlement. Things have been calm/amicable lately and there's nothing worse than pissing a woman off who feels you've done her wrong...so that's my worry. On the other hand I could say to her "against my L's wishes I've decided to help you with the money but in return I need the settlement offer signed and the D finalized".

Not being hard-headed here but I really am wondering this will blow any chance I might have of her accepting the final settlement offer.

[CityGirl]

Nobody suggested you tell her to "screw off". She has already gotten really nasty with you so that is a non issue. She did demand with very little respect to you as a man or father that you pay for your daughter's daycare AFTER you simply wanted to have a conversation about it. In fact, she only had the time to dictate to you what you will be doing in one line. No please, no thank you - she issued the orders and that was that.

You don't need to say anything to her about anything other than... "at this time the only money you will be receiving from me is the court ordered support... if you are in need of money my offer to you is a final and complete settlement offer"

That is not telling her to screw off - it's telling her you won't be funding anymore of her choices outside of what the court has ordered you to do. You *are* giving her an option which is far more than she has extended to you.

You make business deals all day long - you know how this works.

Being "nice" has gotten you nowhere except more broke. As I said I think this is your golden ticket. This is the SECOND time since she left you that she has been scrambling for money for housing. The first time she went right to the attny - now she is coming to you. Why is that? My guess is she knows she will look like a huge ass asking for MORE money when she is getting plenty already each month. She also knows she will look like an ass as adults don't have to make "fast moves" out of their friends house and it certainly is not a stable way for a child to live. She knows legally her hands are tied so now she is coming to you first. Too late. She could have come to you the 8 million times you asked her to settle out of court with a VERY generous offer.

Funny she agreed to a full week of custody right off the bat and all this just so happened on your first week.

[smith18]

Appeasement. There was this fellow named Neville Chamberlain that thought it would work. It did not.

You are doing this when you really need to have little mercy and take charge of the legal situation. Keep that big legal gun loaded and cocked. Be the exception to the rule. Don’t be the guy (because there are lots of them) that says later: "I wish I would have listened to Citygirl or Kerry but I didn't think she was like that" or "I really got fukced" or "I should have" blah blah blah.

Work with your lawyer to get this D done with. It has been going on far too long.

[soleil]

Being "nice" has gotten you nowhere except more broke. This is the SECOND time since she left you that she has been scrambling for money for housing. The first time she went right to the attny - now she is coming to you. Why is that? My guess is she knows she will look like a huge ass asking for MORE money when she is getting plenty already each month.

Oooh I agree with this.

[CityGirl]

And doll, have you learned NOTHING from my fiasco?!

I will just say this out loud.. it's not like it's a secret or anything but IRL Romeo and I are very close friends. We have been for a while. I can say he is perhaps one of the sweetest men I have ever know and a perfect gentleman no matter what. He doesn't have a vindictive bone in his body and has an amazing ability to see the very best in people when they are behaving at their worst. He never even curses for sh*ts sakes (In fact, each time I curse I owe him a nickel!)

That being said I think some peer pressure is in order - nobody is wanting you to be mean or move away from the way you conduct yourself as a man. We are asking you to think about what has happened thus far and how most of it did not swing in your favor. You don't have to be "un S like" because we all like you just how you are - but you do need to be mindful of the past and the opportunity at hand.

[smith18]

Being mean or adhering to Sun Tzu's "Art of War" is not called for when going through a divorce. There are too many little delicate details in getting a divorce settled for all out war. A good lawyer is the best at knowing how to negotiate and fight your mini divorce battles on your behalf.

[NoCodeBlues]

Don't knock Sun Tzu. The true "art" to warfare is simply knowing how to avoid it, but taking it seriously when there are no other alternatives. What Kerry and CG have been advocating are very much in accordance with the Master's teachings.

[ImprovedRomeo]

CG, you poor thing I can tell you're not feeling your normal self today

I hear you. I hear you all. Thanks for applying some peer pressure. It just feels awkward but I understand everything you're saying. Part of me still believes there lives a nomal STBXW in there somewhere and what's she's done is not as horrible as some of the other WASs but that's just my compasionate side talking.

Kerry, lawyers wise thigns are a mess...they want more money and I'm tired of my money going towards the administrative costs so I'm in the middle of negotiating and figuring things out with them.

I've read Sun Tzu's Art of War- I guess it was difficult for people to think along those lines centuries ago but a lot of it was common sense to me. I didn't read it cover-to-cover though.

[smith18]

Yeah, there probably is a good amount of psychological wisdom in "Art of War" that could help in getting a divorce finalized.

The part of "Art of War" that is not appropriate in divorce negotiations is making the enemy mad so that they make mistakes based on their emotions. I suggested that to my L based on a recommendation of a co-worker and my L laughed. He even offered for free to have my co-worker come to his office so he could explain why enraging the other side does not work for delicate legal matters.